Post by Ana Gray on Aug 1, 2016 0:16:23 GMT -5
There was a pause after Llewellyn's question.
"Yeah, I'm done," Ana replied, falling to the side now and onto the tiled floor, watching him through the blanket of hair that fell in her face. Below the lights, Llewellyn looked much more mature than she remembered. She supposed it had been a while since they last spoke, but it was a jarring notion. To be away from someone for so long to notice that shift. No, she wasn't mad at him. She was finished with her tantrum. In truth, she missed his friendship. She liked him a lot, and the idea that he could have possibly liked Aaron better... Because they could become romantic, because he was... Not Ana. It was ridiculous, irrational, but completely, exactly what she felt in that moment.
It was stupid. She was being stupid. But she didn't really care. Llewellyn didn't seem to care much either.
Pushing her hair from her eyes, she listened to him speak patiently. It was only fair that he could shove in a stupid rant, too. The things he said were weirdly nice, and she wasn't quite sure how to respond. That she was likable, in spite of everything she knew about herself. Interesting or whatever. Was she? That was beside the point. That wasn't what they were talking about. But it was warm, whether he knew it or not, and she couldn't think of a time where anyone ever expressed even the littlest appreciation of her before.
But then he kept speaking. "You don’t treat people like your boyfriend and go off and fuck everyone with genitals."
"Uhhhh?" Ana's brow crumbled. But he didn't stop there.
"Uhhhhhhhhhh?" Softer this time. She pulled a strand of hair from her mouth, trying to find something to hold her gaze, but it instead danced along the cabinets and tiles and Llewellyn's Dracula t-shirt. Llewellyn said weird things. Even weirder when he was serious. She supposed she wasn't surprised. Of course she understood what he meant, that this was all an overarching breakdown of all the shitty feelings he had been feeling lately. Or perhaps, feeling for a while now. But the conversation was absolutely about her and her brother literally two seconds ago, and much like Llewellyn, it was gone off to grander things. The weight of the world may as well have been holding him down, but really it was just him getting mad at his boner for his friend and then getting mad at himself for getting mad about it.
But Ana couldn't really talk about nonsensical things. She could judge him harshly, though, and she wouldn't feel bad about it.
And just like Llewellyn was wont to do, he trailed off into something else. And she was glad he did, because if he didn't, she would've been shoving that entire bag down his mouth and praying to the devil himself that the guy'd choke on it. There were a few things that Ana didn't handle well, and someone patronizing her over her brother was one of them, for obvious reasons. The guy was crying over a literal living pot leaf, and he had the audacity to belittle the mess that was her relationship with Aaron? Llewellyn was a dipshit, he had no right to touch on her nuances.
But just the same, she let out a bitter sigh and she let it go. He didn't mean anything he said. If Kai was a living pot leaf, Llewellyn was a living opium den, too completely out of his right mind to have opinions past pleasure. Perhaps that was a little harsh. She wasn't used to feeling okay about someone's presence, or feeling bad about her own actions past the initial cringe.
She really did appreciate his friendship, especially now that it was rekindled. She didn't want to be aggravated over a simple passing comment. It wasn't like the two boys were friends, anyway. Llewellyn still knew the boundaries of the Gray twins. It was too soon to say if he could even be an exception.
Sitting up again, her pale eyes fell on the bag. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Why not," She replied. The opiates were her preference, for obvious reasons. But she didn't feel like telling him to fuck off and accept what she offered. This was a special occasion, or something like that.
Idly, she twirled a strand of hair in her fingers. Considering all the things she could say to him. All the things she never said, all the things she felt like he needed to know. But, maybe, she already told him everything. That she was sorry, that she was confused. But Ana wasn't great at talking about her feelings. She didn't know if they were getting through. "Thank you, by the way," Her teeth gritted then, "For sending me a message... It's... Nice being... Here... Despite everything I just said..." Her voice became meek. She was, in part, only saying this because she blew up on him. And because she didn't even want to touch on that mess of whatever the fuck he spewed at her. But it was also sincere.
"Give me the fucking bag. I don't want to have to shove my fingers down your throat," She held her hand out, "There has been enough icky gross vomit sharing in this friendship, I'd like to think."
"Yeah, I'm done," Ana replied, falling to the side now and onto the tiled floor, watching him through the blanket of hair that fell in her face. Below the lights, Llewellyn looked much more mature than she remembered. She supposed it had been a while since they last spoke, but it was a jarring notion. To be away from someone for so long to notice that shift. No, she wasn't mad at him. She was finished with her tantrum. In truth, she missed his friendship. She liked him a lot, and the idea that he could have possibly liked Aaron better... Because they could become romantic, because he was... Not Ana. It was ridiculous, irrational, but completely, exactly what she felt in that moment.
It was stupid. She was being stupid. But she didn't really care. Llewellyn didn't seem to care much either.
Pushing her hair from her eyes, she listened to him speak patiently. It was only fair that he could shove in a stupid rant, too. The things he said were weirdly nice, and she wasn't quite sure how to respond. That she was likable, in spite of everything she knew about herself. Interesting or whatever. Was she? That was beside the point. That wasn't what they were talking about. But it was warm, whether he knew it or not, and she couldn't think of a time where anyone ever expressed even the littlest appreciation of her before.
But then he kept speaking. "You don’t treat people like your boyfriend and go off and fuck everyone with genitals."
"Uhhhh?" Ana's brow crumbled. But he didn't stop there.
"Uhhhhhhhhhh?" Softer this time. She pulled a strand of hair from her mouth, trying to find something to hold her gaze, but it instead danced along the cabinets and tiles and Llewellyn's Dracula t-shirt. Llewellyn said weird things. Even weirder when he was serious. She supposed she wasn't surprised. Of course she understood what he meant, that this was all an overarching breakdown of all the shitty feelings he had been feeling lately. Or perhaps, feeling for a while now. But the conversation was absolutely about her and her brother literally two seconds ago, and much like Llewellyn, it was gone off to grander things. The weight of the world may as well have been holding him down, but really it was just him getting mad at his boner for his friend and then getting mad at himself for getting mad about it.
But Ana couldn't really talk about nonsensical things. She could judge him harshly, though, and she wouldn't feel bad about it.
And just like Llewellyn was wont to do, he trailed off into something else. And she was glad he did, because if he didn't, she would've been shoving that entire bag down his mouth and praying to the devil himself that the guy'd choke on it. There were a few things that Ana didn't handle well, and someone patronizing her over her brother was one of them, for obvious reasons. The guy was crying over a literal living pot leaf, and he had the audacity to belittle the mess that was her relationship with Aaron? Llewellyn was a dipshit, he had no right to touch on her nuances.
But just the same, she let out a bitter sigh and she let it go. He didn't mean anything he said. If Kai was a living pot leaf, Llewellyn was a living opium den, too completely out of his right mind to have opinions past pleasure. Perhaps that was a little harsh. She wasn't used to feeling okay about someone's presence, or feeling bad about her own actions past the initial cringe.
She really did appreciate his friendship, especially now that it was rekindled. She didn't want to be aggravated over a simple passing comment. It wasn't like the two boys were friends, anyway. Llewellyn still knew the boundaries of the Gray twins. It was too soon to say if he could even be an exception.
Sitting up again, her pale eyes fell on the bag. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Why not," She replied. The opiates were her preference, for obvious reasons. But she didn't feel like telling him to fuck off and accept what she offered. This was a special occasion, or something like that.
Idly, she twirled a strand of hair in her fingers. Considering all the things she could say to him. All the things she never said, all the things she felt like he needed to know. But, maybe, she already told him everything. That she was sorry, that she was confused. But Ana wasn't great at talking about her feelings. She didn't know if they were getting through. "Thank you, by the way," Her teeth gritted then, "For sending me a message... It's... Nice being... Here... Despite everything I just said..." Her voice became meek. She was, in part, only saying this because she blew up on him. And because she didn't even want to touch on that mess of whatever the fuck he spewed at her. But it was also sincere.
"Give me the fucking bag. I don't want to have to shove my fingers down your throat," She held her hand out, "There has been enough icky gross vomit sharing in this friendship, I'd like to think."
