You know you never stood a chance.

It had taken Davina less than five steps into Hogsmeade to realize what kind of invitation she had accepted. She stood in the middle of the street in the cold, whirling wind, taking in the festive decorations as a sense of dread creeped up her stomach. Was this supposed to be like… a date? Well shit, it was too late to ask now. And even if she had asked, what would she have said if Noel said that it was? Davina uttered a frustrated noise of contempt as she made her way into the little commercial district to do her shopping. How could she have not realized it was freaking Valentine’s Day? It didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to show up. Davina didn’t owe him anything and he was making all kinds of friends now, apparently.

Consoled by her decision to stand up the Gryffindor, Davina spent the afternoon in silent contemplation, going from one store to another. Her brothers’ birthdays were in a few weeks, and she had the difficult task of buying them something that was magical enough to be entertaining but not too magical lest other muggles got suspicious. The Slytherin tried to imagine the looks on their faces when opening their presents, and fought a bit of homesickness as she finalized her purchases. It wasn’t often that she felt their absence, but it seemed to help with picking out just the right gifts. There was a part of her that was kind of sad that she wasn’t back home where things were simpler, when no one was trying to steal her mind or give her nightmares. The thought alone made her shiver in a way that had nothing to do with the weather, and she pushed the images to the back of her mind again. It wasn’t something she wanted to dwell on in the middle of Hogsmeade.

As the sun was beginning to lean into the far side of the sky, Davina wanted to get back to the castle before it got too dark. Most students stayed in Hogsmeade until the Professors were practically dragging them back at curfew, but Davina had walked all day, enjoying her time alone away from a thousand other students. If she was lucky, it would be enough exertion to allow her a dreamless sleep. Tucking her hands into her pockets, she wondered how long Noel would wait for her before giving up and going back to Hogwarts. She was already 20 minutes late and was just about to pass the entrance of the cafe she had agreed to meet when the door suddenly flew open. Davina quickly turned around, not wanting to get caught ditching, but it was only a girl that walked passed her, towards the shops.

As she turned back, she caught a glimpse of the inside, her brown eyes catching the details. To her surprise… it was kind of a dump. Through the window, she saw Noel nestling a mug of something he’d bought to drink, presumably something caffeinated. He was sitting on an unfortunate looking couch perfectly selected to adorn the rest of the equally unfortunate decor. The Slytherin rolled her eyes at herself as she felt a bit of guilt. Maybe he wasn’t trying to do something stupid like try to woo her. If that was the case, she didn’t have to just leave him here when he was trying to make amends. Mumbling something about a bad idea to herself, Davina opened the door and swiveled past a couple of tables to reach Noel. “Sorry I’m late,” she offered in the same dry manner she had apologized for knocking over stack of books onto his side of the Library. She felt a little awkward since their only real conversation was by owl, but she attempted a smirk while she took off her jacket and dumped it and her messenger bag on the couch next to Noel, using it as a physical barrier. She sat on the couch and used the armrest to lean back on, she worked on taking of her sweater and scarf. "Do you know if they have food here too?" 

Peering at his wristwatch, he supposed he might have been off the hook for the evening. If he was being perfectly honest with himself it was a big sigh of relief. Not that he didn't want to spend time with Davina, but perhaps the circumstances just hadn't been quite... right. Perhaps he'd been grasping at straws. Perhaps he was looking for a distraction when it seemed the rest of his life had gone down the shitter and his own friends were doing things like hexing him and tying him up for impromptu interventions, and this thing he was doing with Davina was some sort of escape from that. A vacation of normalcy, if you would. That wasn't being very fair towards her. People weren't playthings, and Noel wasn't the type of person that did this sort of thing anymore. Or was he? Every time Noel felt like he knew who he was, something went and changed, leading the young lion to not only surprise others but himself as well. 

He drained the remainder of his bitter espresso and clinked the cup down on the coffee table with a sense of decided finality. Just when he was getting ready to slide his leather jacket back over his broad shoulders and slipped a cigarette between his lips, a familiar voice chimed in and plopped down beside him. Stiffening, he craned his head to catch sight of the dusky haired Slytherin, and let the jacket slide back off his shoulders. When she apologized his jaw locked. Tentatively he reached up and plucked the cigarette out from between his lips, sliding it back behind his ear, tucking several strands back with it. It would be his treat for later, if he made it out of this... engagement alive. 

"How kind of you to grace me with your divine presence," he fired back with a caustic tongue, sinking back down into the couch and crossing his arms over his chest like a child in the midst of a temper tantrum. "So what's your excuse? Got lost? Caught up in line? Lost your nerve when you realized the date?" he prodded deliberately. He glanced over to scan her features for a reaction.

"I think they have sandwiches and pastries and shit," he answered finally, sitting up and reaching for a table tent that listed a small menu and passing it off to his companion. "I uhm... didn't realize it either," he finally admitted truthfully, scratching at the scruff on the underside of his chin. An unfortunate manifestation, as he had shaved just that morning. With the ice broken he looked at her fully, unsurprised and perhaps a little bit annoyed to find that he still found her quite pretty. 

The Gryffindor’s immediate response was not completely unwarranted; Davina had left him waiting for quite some time and she most likely would have a similar reaction. However, Noel’s little tirade reminded her of why she had kept her distance from him this whole time. Sure, he totally made her feel like an idiot when she was a little girl and had only wanted to be friends, but he had also been known for being an aggravating twat that couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Davina crossed her arms as well, her head tilting as he cycled through the cliche excuses she could use before he mentioned the exact reason she had almost didn’t walk through the door. She felt her blood rumbling in a soft simmer and she glared at him as he handed her the menu.

“I was going to stand you up,” she answered conversationally, looking at him as she said so before glancing down at the menu. “I’m beginning to think that I should have kept walking.” Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe they should have just stuck with the owls. She took a moment to take a slow breath, trying to temper the vexation she was starting to feel. Great. Everything on the menu looked horrible. Perfect. Davina rejected the menu and its content, and placed it back on the table.

To her relief, Noel admitted that he hadn’t realized the time of the year. The brunette felt her shoulders relax just a little, glad to hear that the Gryffindor hadn’t try to do anything weird and cheesy. Sitting back against the armrest, she caught him staring at her like a weirdo. She squinted her eyes a little before sighing. “Ok, yes. I didn’t figure it out until I walked into Hogsmeade and there was pink and red crap all over the place.” It was as much of an olive branch she could summon. “But I showed, right?”
 

"Don't flatter yourself," he said as he looked away, biting down hard on his tongue before he tacked a patronizing witticism onto the end of the statement, the word 'princess' dancing over his lips like poor dramaturgy. It was true he had a hard time keeping his tongue disciplined, especially when Davina was so willing to flex her own saucy lip. Hell, there was a part of him that really enjoyed the banter, and he supposed that was partially the reason why he showed up for this at all. Of course if he told her this then there would be no end to the inferno that would reign down upon him, so he kept this to himself as well. Though in truth, she was really attractive when she was exasperated. 

"I don't date," he tacked onto the previous statement. If it hadn't been a thing prior to that moment, it was now. In the veracity of the moment it was probably a truer statement than he cared to admit. Those options of freely consorting with the opposite sex now seemed like a pipe dream and honestly, a harrowing notion. It wasn't fair of him to put that on another. Hell, it wasn't fair of him to even be out with Davina in that very moment. He swallowed that guilty pill with an ounce of apprehension. 

What the hell are you doing, Beckett. 

He could only imagine the hoops he would have to jump through in order to keep up the impression of commonality. Explaining to a girl why he disappeared cryptically once a month sounded more like a nightmare than the illness itself. 

"But I am glad you showed up. It beats sitting here by myself, though I don't really hate being on my own either," It was a genuine statement amongst an incursion of cynicism. Diffidently he side-eyed Davina and shifted in his seat and she burned holes into the side of his head. "I'm uhm... Going to get another coffee. Did you want anything? My treat. As an apology," he offered. 

“Trust me, no one is more relieved than I,” she countered icily against his unsolicited bit of information. Davina hadn’t come to inquire after his eligibility as a bachelor, and as she waited for his next passive (or not so passive) aggressive attack, she tried to remember what exactly it was that had made her accept his unexpected invitation. She had already been convinced for years that she hadn’t wanted to do anything with Noel. Their recent correspondence came to mind, and she remembered his odd behavior in the Library, but Davina didn't think she could justify dealing with his dribble just because she was curious.

Davina was about to spit out the next equally toxic quip she could think of when he suddenly changed gears, again, and expressed how glad he’d been that she showed anyway. Did he ever make up his mind? The Gryffindor couldn’t quite decide if he was going to be infuriating or find the less irrational thoughts in his head to share. She rolled her eyes, though Noel wouldn’t see them since he wasn’t even looking at her, and scratched her head a little to satisfy the nerve to scratch something else. The silence that followed was spent overanalyzing why he would offer her anything at all, and deciding if she was even going to let him buy her something. The last time she had accepted a free drink from someone, it had almost lead to disaster, and the days afterward were definitely spent on the verge of panic. Her hesitation kept her silent for another moment before she looked at him, and seemed to make a decision. “I’ll take a black coffee,” she accepted, concentrating on not making it sound like a command, since he was offering. “With a scoop of vanilla ice cream.”

Ignoring whatever face he made at her request, like many others had given her before him, she lifted her long legs and crossed them, attempting to make herself less tense. The couch they were sitting on felt like the oldest one in the world, and she tried not to think of how many other behinds had caused the lumps that were now causing her discomfort. “Sooo,” she managed to be more inquisitive and less aggravated, “you said you were going to tell me how you miraculously wanted to make friends.” Somehow she only sounded just a little sarcastic, but couldn’t quite sound entirely sincere. Davina was actually wondering where his sudden change had come from, but had been distracted by everything in between.

Noel stood perhaps a bit too eagerly, knocking into the cramped coffee table in the process. Luckily there was nothing on it, but it did cause a disturbance in an otherwise sleepy cafe. To be fair, he usually much more mindful of his frame, but it seemed like knocking into things in front of Davina was just something his fucking body wanted to do... for some reason??? Of all the times to be a graceless piece of shit, it was in front of the most coolly composed gazelle of a girl he'd probably ever laid eyes on. While he wasn't exactly a scrawny teenage boy anymore as he came into his manhood, he tried to be mindful of the athletic build that had been willed to him by his Father's genetics. Cringing, he inched his way around the table, but not without earning himself a glare drawn out by the barista. 

Briefly he met Davina's eyes when she looked up at him, noticing for the first time that they weren't brownish black like his own but rather an unexpected medley of green and amber, and for that guilty pleasure of a moment he held onto them. She looked uncomfortable, and Noel felt bad and uncomfortable, especially as the elderly woman at the counter stared searing hot daggers into his back. He needed a cigarette too, but he wasn't about to leave Davina sitting inside by herself because of his own disgusting habit. He scratched the scruff on his neck before leaning down over the coffee table slightly and spoke again, his voice an octave lower. "How about... we hold that thought, and I'll get our coffees to go... and we can fuck off from this place because I don't think either of us really want to be here anyway." 

Besides, Noel had always thought that walking and talking was far superior to sitting and talking. Noel was a habitual pacer and struggled to stay stationary for more than a few moments at a time. All that unbridled boyish energy with nowhere to go, and seeing as he was about to indulge in a second cup of coffee and he swore he saw a mouse scuttling about in the corner of the cafe. It was a combination of motives that pushed him to make the suggestion, but as soon as he said it he felt deeply relieved. Turning, he migrated to the counter to order their drinks. 
-

Two black coffees with ice cream. It was unusual, but he wasn't altogether against the solution, though he missed the acerbity that usually accompanied the robust flavor of black coffee. The ice cream cut back on the bitter flavor, but was instead replaced with a contrasting temperature that brightened up the coffee drinking experience. He sipped from the paper cup tentatively, treading silently beside the Slytherin girl. Noel lead the way, but in truth he had no specific destination in mind. He was at least thankful that the wind had died down, replaced by a light flurry that sprinkled our sparsely over the already snow-blanketed town. Scotland's weather was about as bipolar as his Mother, though perhaps a tad more forgiving. 

Finally, he broke the silence between them. "Everyone wants friends Davina," he blurted out. It was abrupt and he might have sounded tiny bit upset, but who was she to think he didn't also have his needs? That he was just rotten and selfish through and through? Of course, by her angle and probably many others, he played the part exceedingly well. He wanted to believe he wasn't rotten, but maybe she was right. Maybe he was.

He slipped the cigarette out from behind his ear that he'd been saving for later and lit it, making it a point to hold it outwards and with the wind so the smoke wouldn't bother her. "I think for some people those sort of relationships just come a lot easier, but I always wanted friends. I was just an asshole, and my reason for being one is the same as every other asshole's reason. It made me feel better." 

Noel’s abrupt movements produced the smallest smirk on Davina’s features. He was being exceptionally strange, aside from his usual acerbic demeanor, but he seemed determined to order their drinks. Davina watched him with curiosity as he seemed to be deciding on something, and caught his eyes across the table. The Slytherin’s natural reaction was to stare back in defiance, answer the challenge, win on pure will and never back down. His deep, dark eyes held her gaze for longer than she had expected, and she realized that this was not a confrontation. Her chin unwillingly lowered slightly and her expression softened a little, remembering that their argument was over… at least for the time being. She instantly felt foolish when she was the first to look down, unable continue looking at him when he stared at her like that. Davina shifted a little in her seat, and he was suddenly closer again, offering her an escape from the shady little cafe with the uncomfortable couch. It was a relief that he had suggested that they take their drinks to go, and that he had anticipated that she would appreciate the gesture.
After fumbling with her layers of clothing and grabbing her bag, Davina was soon sharing the sidewalk with the tall Gryffindor, using her drink to warm her hands. The first sip was too sweet for her, but the second was perfectly balanced by the coffee. She didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, and she had discovered that she could enjoy ice cream with the bitter qualities of a nice black roast. If she let it sit long enough, it turned into a delicious concoction with the perfect temperature, but she found that she had to keep herself busy as she and Noel silently strolled down Hogsmeade with no real direction. At some point, they had run out of insults and were approaching the mutually enjoyed banter they had shared by owl. The Slytherin wondered guessed they would have already found that interaction again if it weren’t for the awkward silence that was smothering them.

At least once, Davina stole a sideways glance, catching him sip his drink and feeling like an idiot for not saying anything. Hadn’t that been the point in the first place? Just as she was about to approach any innocent subject, he filled the void himself, going back to the original reason why he had invited her for coffee. He explained to her the very simple truth, a universal one. Davina didn’t know him well enough to discern the tones of his voice, but it instantly made her eyes turn down, blinking slowly as she sensed a surge of guilt. She felt like a little girl in grade school, when she thought she was still a muggle, having someone read her a child’s book about friendship, and sharing toys. Everyone wants to make friends. Anyone can be your friend and the best way to make friends was to share.

The silence that followed was her own fault, her brow creating the smallest fold as she rearranged her thoughts. It was easy to be suspicious, unapproachable and all the other things Davina had become, but no one could convince her she didn’t have a good reason. She was only just getting to know Noel, but he had chosen to make this kind of change for himself. The idea was interesting, but to the 5th year it felt...unattainable. “So what you’re saying,” she started slowly, looking up at him while he puffed his cigarette and offering a wide-eyed look, “is that Judge is what makes you feel better now.” Facing forward again, Davina couldn’t keep her expression together anymore and grinned into her cup before taking another sip, “Interesting. Not exactly what I expected, but whatever floats your broom, I guess.” She glanced at him again and shook her head as she let out a puff of air. “I’m sorry, I know you’re being serious.” How typical of her to treat someone else’s sincere confession with the kind of levity that would ridicule them. Cynicism and sarcasm were constantly proofreading her words, keeping others at a distance. “But, I get it. And you’re right, it’s easier for others.” She took another sip of her drink, her worried eyes watching a pair of girls a few shops ahead of them laughing with ease.

Noel nearly choked on the filter of his cigarette when Davina came back with her ‘Judge makes you feel better’ line. His eyes widened wildly and his neck slowly craned at a peculiar, unhinged angle in the wake of her proclamation, hair hanging inelegantly across his face. Obviously, it was an absurd reaction for such an absurd statement. As if Noel would... readily admit to ever enjoying.... the companionship of the likes of that snake. Vermin. Mosquito, perhaps, would be the most accurate resemblance. Blood-sucking and exceedingly annoying. Something he wouldn’t be entirely opposed to squishing to death without so much as a forethought.

Not that there was anything wrong with snakes. Here he was, speaking to one now, reveling in her very existence while simultaneously holding onto weird boyish contempt for making him like her with every inch of his being. Still, Noel laughed at the joke- assuming it had to be one, just before Davina caved and confessed her jest. He didn’t take offense despite the somber resonance of the conversation. He preferred an airy climate, seeing as he could could be rather heated subjectively. The joke made things feel easier, and grinning indiscreetly he averted his gaze in the same direction that Davina’s eyes had wandered as she continued her testimony. Maybe she knew more about that sentiment than she cared to lead on.

Taking a long draw on his cigarette he replied. “Fuck no. Judge is a different situation altogether. Judge is more like a necessary evil. A manifestation of some...” he ceased deliberately as he searched his words. “I don’t know. Weird fucked up affliction. I’m not really ready to talk about that, but let me just say when your life changes so abruptly, you kind of take whatever you can get out of desperation and not so much convenience nor want.”

His shoulders tugged up to his ears before falling again.

“But I changed my mind before all of that,” he waved a hand ambiguously. “-happened. I guess what sort of set it all off was a girl, a broken heart, and some crummy teenage histrionics. Only shitty thing was that I was supposed to marry her, and after she broke my heart I didn’t want to. My parents...” Finally, Noel hit his hitch and his jaw pearled slightly. “Well, I’m sure you know your fair share of pureblood culture,” he extended lifelessly without delving into too much detail. "But when that door closed, I was introduced to new opportunities like sleeping on park benches and bread and mustard sandwiches." he joked casually, though the truth of being homeless and broke at sixteen was anything but glamorous. 

Necessary evil was definitely a more believable description of what Judge could serve to another person. The fact that Noel admitted to such a relationship with the tattooed Slytherin made Davina’s mind try to guess what could they possibly have in common that would nurture any semblance of friendship. Davina shook her head with a suppressed chuckle, not quite believing anyone would willingly be friends with Victor. Unless… it really was against Noel’s will? Davina smirked, but allowed her mind to wonder what Victor could have over Noel’s head. He spoke of an abrupt change in his life, which she could relate to, but didn’t quite understand his desperation that he tried to describe. In her own experience, Davina had done the very opposite and had shut everyone out with very few exceptions.

Before Davina could bury her thoughts into her own feelings, her strolling companion surprised her and gave her an abbreviated version of his woes. All in all, It sounded like a Valentine’s edition of Witch Weekly, saturated with reasons to pity the protagonist, who happened to be Noel. The brunette had more than enough knowledge of pureblood society than she needed, thanks to her Housemate, and the end of Noel’s story was a tale she was definitely not what she had expected. Staring ahead, sipping her coffee, she imagined Noel trying to sleep in public. It was an uncomfortable feeling to be mostly indifferent to someone for many years, and suddenly their unhappiness and discomfort was a very real and tangible. She glanced at him, grateful for his degree of levity on his own situation. “I’m sorry,” she offered sincerely, though it sounded as dry as her other previous sympathies.

Davina forced a deep breath and willed herself to relax, and when she spoke again it was a slightly gentler tone that was closer to what she felt. “I can’t imagine... ever going through any of that.” She had experienced different hells of her own in sizable doses, but she had always had her family regardless of whether she had been able to appreciate it. “But surely, you have better plans than bread and mustard sandwiches after graduation, yes?” Giving him what she thought was an encouraging look, the ends of her lips turned up a little. It was strange to exchange something other than biting remarks with the dark-haired brooder, but she was kind of glad it was something akin to the owls they had exchanged.

[SORRY I TOOK FOREVER <333]

When he finished, he watched to gauge Davina's reaction, maybe with an ounce of discomfort and self-reproof for letting someone in on one of his many dirty little secrets, but he held his composure and refused to demonstrate the uneasiness he was feeling in the coffee laden pits of his stomach. Yet, simultaneously, it felt good to let go of just that little bit of himself, even if it was an abbreviated version of real events muddled with half truths that cast him in a kinder light than perhaps what he deserved. He caught the corners of her mouth turning upwards and held onto them. That was part of the problem with having such darkly intense features like his own. His expressions were conspicuous, but often times difficult to interpret their meaning. Sometimes they meant nothing, or his thoughts had wandered somewhere else entirely. Or, on occasion, they meant that he wished she would smile more often because it was a nice look on such usually deadpan features.

“Don’t knock mustard sandwiches until you try them, alright? Besides, it’s not so bad. I met some people that would make you turn up your nose in an instant, but they have a wealth that's different.”

Then he took a generous gulp of coffee, looking away in that uncomfortable way that teenage boys do when they verbalize their shitty feelings instead of just punching a wall like a normal human-fucking-being. His gaze settled on a sixth year Ravenclaw girl that was tall, thin, and blond, and might have sat behind him in Herbology but she also had one of those faces that could have belonged to anyone. It might have been rude, but this was a not-date and Davina was being heartfelt and genuine and it was offending his impeding masculinity and coaxing that wretched half of himself that just wanted to tell her she looked like shit because she didn't like him. 

As they passed Honeydukes he hitched a right, leading them between the shop and some nearby residences. Although it wasn’t a real road, the ground was worn from the apparent foot traffic by other defiant students that often took this route to pass by The Shrieking Shack or to walk along the rails. Now that the girl was out of view, he found himself once more searching for something to focus on.

And for a second while he did this he looked gutted. He extinguished his cigarette and slid the remainder back behind his ear for later. “I was, uhm, I applied for an internship at Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures in the Being Division earlier this year,” a drawn pause. “And I got it, but I don’t know if I’ll go." Abruptly, he changed the subject. "You did some shopping today?" he said, motioning towards the paper shopping bag. He didn't really give a shit what was in it.

Davina wasn’t a fan of Noel making any assumptions about her or what would or wouldn’t turn up her nose, and her immediate response was to look forward, barely contain the huff that passed through her lips. She tried to remember that most people weren’t out to piss her off, but many were very good at doing so anyway. Who was he to know or guess how she measured wealth and value? While she certainly couldn’t empathize with homelessness, she was well aware of how one person can be of the utmost significance to another, for better or worse.


Sipping her drink as the Slytherin followed his gaze, she noticed the girl his dark eyes were following. Davina ‘s expression darkened, and she wondered if the Gryffindor would rather be walking down the street with a less acerbic person like herself. A blonde who smiled easily and had oodles of giggly friends. Feeling self conscious in a way she rarely felt, the sensation brought the beginnings of the frustration she usually felt. It was the default emotion for anything she couldn’t control, which was almost everything.


Their path thankfully diverted from the Ravenclaw distraction and Davina’s interest perked with Noel’s opportunity. “Ah, I guess that explains all the books,” she thought out loud. The day at the library suddenly made sense, since werewolves were still classified as Magical Creatures. She was sure the Department he was accepted to was more than just werewolves, but perhaps he was just brushing up on the subject. It still didn’t explain why he was trying to block her from the books…

“Even if you don’t stay, you should at least start there,” she offered, as if it were the obvious. “You’ll have your foot in the Ministry so it’ll be easier to transfer to another area if you decide to.” A moment of confusion flickered in her eyes when he changed the subject, but she looked down at her bag and shrugged with a soft smile. “Uh… my brothers’ birthday. I send them magical stuff to tear apart and try to put back together.” It was a strange transition, but Davina was still interested in Noel’s opportunity. She didn’t quite understand his hesitation, and couldn’t imagine it was more important than finding a job… and shelter. “Just do it,” she insisted dryly as her form of encouragement. “It can’t be worse than mustard sandwiches. They sound terrible.”