Post by Kaimana Ohme on Jun 20, 2016 23:39:28 GMT -5
There was something guilt-ridden about doing what Kai just did, but Tobias seemed pleased, and he wasn't about to voice this concern. He supposed he was a bit afraid of the nuances of intimacy, especially of the oral kind. His bits weren't welcome in his mind, like of course he was friendly with them, but they were in a place that he felt no person would ever want them to be. These surrounding days were making Kai realize things about himself, how much he feared himself, how much he didn't really like himself. This guy didn't know him, didn't care about the level of sweat and filth he probably had on his body.
He stood there, hand cupped over his mouth from the moment he finished, breathing heavily. Arm hugging himself. Damp skin and surreal setting. Things like this didn't happen to him, not usually. He didn't even react when Tobias kissed him. He knew what it was, he tasted it before, and it didn't really make a difference. In a way, he was glad this happened. But it lead to a lot of questions that he wasn't sure how to answer.
Like what he was expecting from this? Was he allowed to be enjoying moments like this? He never really did enjoy them to their fullest, always regretting something or another. That's why he never called any of those girls back, wasn't it? Not just because he thought nothing of the experience, but because he felt like he wasn't allowed to think otherwise. Thoughts traced back to people he wronged. A face in the mix that made little sense, but he knew he felt that same guilt. Perhaps loving someone made him feel wrong. Love had everything to do with it. Was that the kind of love he felt...?
But when Tobias questioned him, he dropped his hand and smiled his wide, beaming smile.
He wasn't going to allow it to be like this anymore. He wasn't going to toss it away. He wasn't going to regret anything.
He didn't know this guy, but he wanted to.
"Yeah, dude. It's like, only a staircase away," He nodded.
But then Tobias asked his next question... "Oh," Kai scratched his chin, face falling blank suddenly, "You want to... Date me?" Kai never dated anyone before. He had thoughts about certain people, but it always fell flat. He had no interest in the concept. Sex was easy. Sex wasn't really anything. He feared it at times, but it happened and he went on with his life. Relationships required more than Kai knew how to give. He didn't know what he was doing. But whatever it was he was doing, it didn't seem to matter to Tobias.
"Ummmm..." He was blushing then, chuckling at the notion, distracting himself with his thrown about clothes. His sweater, his hat, the shirt he tied around his waist. He was nervous now, more nervous than before. But the idea didn't scare him. It was interesting, and he wasn't about to deny the guy. And in the very least, this was a chance for him to pull his shit together. As well as feel comfortable enough to enjoy the company of someone without fearing his sister's judgmental gaze. It was different when it was official. And it gave him an excuse to hide away from other people.
He needed that.
"Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Boyfriends and all that," Kai bit his lip timidly, but confident in his decision in the matter.
He stood there, hand cupped over his mouth from the moment he finished, breathing heavily. Arm hugging himself. Damp skin and surreal setting. Things like this didn't happen to him, not usually. He didn't even react when Tobias kissed him. He knew what it was, he tasted it before, and it didn't really make a difference. In a way, he was glad this happened. But it lead to a lot of questions that he wasn't sure how to answer.
Like what he was expecting from this? Was he allowed to be enjoying moments like this? He never really did enjoy them to their fullest, always regretting something or another. That's why he never called any of those girls back, wasn't it? Not just because he thought nothing of the experience, but because he felt like he wasn't allowed to think otherwise. Thoughts traced back to people he wronged. A face in the mix that made little sense, but he knew he felt that same guilt. Perhaps loving someone made him feel wrong. Love had everything to do with it. Was that the kind of love he felt...?
But when Tobias questioned him, he dropped his hand and smiled his wide, beaming smile.
He wasn't going to allow it to be like this anymore. He wasn't going to toss it away. He wasn't going to regret anything.
He didn't know this guy, but he wanted to.
"Yeah, dude. It's like, only a staircase away," He nodded.
But then Tobias asked his next question... "Oh," Kai scratched his chin, face falling blank suddenly, "You want to... Date me?" Kai never dated anyone before. He had thoughts about certain people, but it always fell flat. He had no interest in the concept. Sex was easy. Sex wasn't really anything. He feared it at times, but it happened and he went on with his life. Relationships required more than Kai knew how to give. He didn't know what he was doing. But whatever it was he was doing, it didn't seem to matter to Tobias.
"Ummmm..." He was blushing then, chuckling at the notion, distracting himself with his thrown about clothes. His sweater, his hat, the shirt he tied around his waist. He was nervous now, more nervous than before. But the idea didn't scare him. It was interesting, and he wasn't about to deny the guy. And in the very least, this was a chance for him to pull his shit together. As well as feel comfortable enough to enjoy the company of someone without fearing his sister's judgmental gaze. It was different when it was official. And it gave him an excuse to hide away from other people.
He needed that.
"Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Boyfriends and all that," Kai bit his lip timidly, but confident in his decision in the matter.
