when you grow up, your heart dies.

[ uniform. ]

While it was an ongoing joke that Kai was an upstanding student-- good grades, good manners, good behavior-- it had mostly ever been simply that: a joke. Sure, in his younger years he was the picture perfect Hufflepuff, but that grew rather grey in truth as he turn fifteen and met a few sinful influences. The first, of course, being that sweet Maryjane, whom his secret love for was guilty but true. The second being his shitty friends who were really shitty people. The latter being what generally caused him to attend misguided detentions, where he honestly did not feel were fair, though he would always scrape up his decency and show up without hassle. This time, his friends decided to see how far a human body could bounce via repeated flipendos, and Kai had taken the liberty to measuring the distances, as a true friend would. Stupid? Of course. But Kai was almost definitely high at the time, and he can be convinced of anything while high.

There always tended to be a familiar few faces in detention, a few friendly and a few strangers and a few stragglers that Kai could do without. But detention was generally a pain for everyone involved, and he typically wasn't bothered, save for the people who ended up becoming fast friends with the chipper Hufflepuff. That being said, Kai hugged the back corner and normally was under the radar. He had shown up early to get this seat. If one is to be a bad boy, one must face the consequences like a good boy. Or whatever. Something like that.

Typical fucking Noel threw a paper ball at a girl, probably out for blood for whatever shitty selfish reason. If they weren't confined into a shithole, Kai would've told the Gryffindor to fuck off, but. He was thrown out, and Kai thought nothing of it.

Upon their release, Kai was one of the last to leave due to his seating arrangement. Passing through the empty desks, a tiny disturbance in the corner of his eye gave him a pause. It wasn't unlike Kai to find lost items and return them to their owner, especially books that likely contained homework or personal musings. Important keepsakes that would go unwise to be left alone. The Hufflepuff picked the notebook up, casually turning it in his fingers, before cracking a peek at the first few pages. A beat skipped.

Literally what the hell was he reading?

His cheeks flushed as he realized this was some sort of... sad, angst filled diary. It was kind of trivial at first, but delved into the harsher realities of a graduating child-turned-adult. He avoided reading any further, afraid of what he might find out about this faceless soul. He understood people's feelings weren't something to be toyed with, and he understood that anyone would feel absolute horror knowing he read what he read. And as the Hufflepuff slid the book into his knapsack, he thought back on who could have been sitting at that de-- Oh, god? Oh, god. Oh, sweet Merlin. Kai's lips pulled back into a deep frown, and he murmured a "jeeeeez." He was not certain Noel had been sitting in this seat, but the only reason he could assume as much would be the fact that he recalled the seat being empty.

Either someone placed it there and forgot, or it was the one student who was removed from the classroom prior to everyone else setting out.

The last thing Kai wanted was to get further onto that bridge troll's bad side, but he had no choice. He simply had to give the notebook back. He pondered this in the hallway, walking slowly back to his common room with his thumb pressed to his lip. Or maybe... He should just place it back on the desk? What did he owe to Noel? What did he ever possibly do to deserve Kai's kindness? His disdain for the Gryffindor bubbled, sickly anger prickling his throat. It wasn't wrong to throw the notebook back in the room (it totally was, what if someone else found it?). He could place it back on the desk without a shred of guilt (he'd feel completely guilty, and he would never be able to live happily again unless he discovered it back in Noel's possession unscathed).

His feet brought him back to the classroom, though. There was no hesitation in his fingers twisting the doorknob, and he stepped forwardly almost in a trance. He needed to do this. He had to. Even if it wasn't Noel's, he had to. For peace of mind, to avoid that asshole. God, this was irrational. He had no proof, no idea, and he was simply getting flustered over a hypothetical situation.

Ah, but Noel beat him to the punch. There he stood in the classroom, clearly looking for something.

Kai's gaze dropped to the side, exasperated. He had the worst luck.

He slid his bag off his shoulder, pulling the moleskin notebook out without a word. "Are you looking for this?" Kai turned to the Gryffindor, "Heard the door open down the corridor, assumed it was the owner looking for their homework." He was lying, pretending he didn't read it. Perhaps that was the only way to walk away without having to be pried away and dripping with blood.

Are you looking for this?

He heard the question coming from the door. Noel sat in the same desk he had been sitting in during detention, head cradled within his finger tips, hair pushed back and brow furrowed deeply with an expression of concern. His shoulders hunched forward tensely and elbows rested upon the desks surface. His eyes trained blankly on the table top. There were things written on it- hearts with initials and and arrow sticking out, obscenities in bubble letters, lewd depictions of Merlin showing just what exactly he kept up his robe- and Noel studied them with great strain. In truth he was seconds from losing it and these doodles were a minor distraction, whatever "it" might have been. Some kind of pent up expression of anxiety, guilt, anger, sadness, derangement, hysteria, whatever. Finger tips burrowed into the depths of his murky hair and pressed against his scalp 'til they were cramped and numb. It was a visceral reaction to ones own self loathing and exasperation. He wanted to ache.

He inhaled deeply and brought himself back to at least some form of composure before standing and turning around to face whomever it was that had decided out of their kindness (or cruelty) of their heart to bring back what he had lost so negligently. 

Motherfucker. Of all the people in the entire bleak fucking castle it had to have been the prime prick in his side, the very special snowflake Kaimana Ohme. It was not a conscious reaction for him to glower hatefully at the badger that stood feet away from the door way, just like how his hands autonomously clenched themselves into tightly balled fists. It was an inclination of habit and one that was as familiar to him as breathing air, so deeply entwined to his nervous system that even if he wanted to greet the flake kindly Noel didn't think he physically could. 

He could remember years ago just how satisfying it had been to break the gits nose, and was thoroughly pleased to see that it never healed quite right. 

Somehow he managed to relax his hands but the scowl remained firmly planted on his brow. Not quite right, but it was better than nothing. He was disappointed to see that Kai had grown a bit taller than him in the summers past, but Noel thought he could still take the beanpole easily. Finally, after several seconds and a series of affections, he spoke. 

"You read it," he accused immediately, and felt a bit silly like a Brady Bunch character after doing so. It was silly to get worked up over something so small like a journal, but clearly it meant a good something to him. "Hope you had a good laugh. I'm sure it was well worth the entertainment," he expressed bitterly, moving towards Kai to retrieve what was rightfully his. 

Kaimana Ohme  

Kai's stomach churned as soon as Noel turned around, but he simply took a deep breath and steadied himself. The numerous times that Noel pushed Kai into tears were enough for the Hufflepuff to try his best to keep it together. He didn't want Noel laughing at him, telling his creepy little circle of friends, or even possibly writing it down in this journal of his. But Kai wasn't strong, he could only hold out for so long. He checked his watch, uneasily, and decided he needed to get out within five minutes, else he might as well be feeding the mutt a bone.

"You read it,"

Oh, boy. Of course.

"Hope you had a good laugh. I'm sure it was well worth the entertainment,"

Kai rolled his eyes with a sigh, flicking his head so that his fluffy mane flipped out of his forehead. "Bruv, chill. I didn't even know it was your's," He spat back, as much as Kai could really spat at all, "Get the fuck off your high horse." Which wasn't a lie, but it wasn't like he didn't totally read a few pages. Nothing that he felt justifiable to laugh at. It was funny, how even though he couldn't even stand to be near Noel, he had no interest in petty jabs or revenge. How would Kai feel if someone took his journal and spewed out all his secrets...? Well... Kai didn't really have secrets, and he certainly wouldn't care if someone read his journal that was mostly just crummy poetry he was working out. But. He understood, he knew people, even the rudest of people, didn't deserve to be ridiculed.

Really, it was funny how Noel thought Kai would stoop to his level. In a way, he felt bad for feeling holier than thou, but that was what Noel was all about, and Kai felt solid in his standing for once.

He offered the journal to Noel, but paused momentarily, before tossing it onto a desk in between the two of them. He wanted to keep his distance, after all. Noel seemed to the type to throw in a punch for good behavior.

"You're right, though," Kai bit his lip, feeling that irrationality building up, "I did read a few pages, just to be real. But don't worry." Kai slung his pack over his shoulders once more, swallowing all that pettiness and backing down, "I'm not gonna say a word."

Noel listened, and didn't speak. He didn't cut him off, he didn't argue. Noel was ace when it came to listening, but that didn't mean he believed a word of what Kai was saying, save for maybe passive-aggressively swung insults and the last bit about reading his journal. When the mop-headed boy tossed the journal on the desk he took that as his cue to to move forward, and he did. Past the journal and directly in front of Kai. He wasn't much shorter than him much to the relief of his own stupid ego. His eyes remained steady on his, unflinching, like a provocation straight out of an old Clint Eastwood film. 

"I know this might be hard for your doped up brain to understand, so I'm gonna talk real slow for you," Noel said evenly, somehow managing to not throw fists despite the war drum of a heart that urged him otherwise. "But the majority of people aren't the same fucking person they were when they were thirteen, so you can stop flinching like an abused puppy every time I look you in the eye. As much as I would like to break your nose again, it would just be a waste of energy. So maybe you should do some self-reflection next time you start talking about high horses."

That was probably the closest Kai would ever get to a peace treaty with Noel.

Taking a step backwards he grabbed the journal from the desk and tucked it under his arm. Noel couldn't help but to wonder just what exactly Kai had read. Had it been the atypical nihilist bullshit or...? Or something else? Perhaps about his family and how he'd been starved for attention for as long as he could remember and the fact that he doubted the existence of things like friendship or love. Or, perhaps, it had been about one of the many times he'd hurt the foster children his family had cared for out of pure childish jealousy. Perhaps it had even been a whim of fantasy where he imagined he'd been orphaned due to a terrible car crash or tornado. Maybe he'd read about his guilt, even, but judging by the way Kai spoke to him he suspected that wasn't the case. 

"Thanks for bringing it back, but I guess any kind of thanks would fall to deaf ears since you clearly know so much about me already. Cheers," he finished bitterly and started towards the door. 

Kaimana Ohme aka my one true love

It took a lot of strength to keep himself from backing away when Noel b-lined for him. He could feel the vomit building up, his fists clenching, his eyes growing red. It was embarrassing, and he didn't want to deal with it. Kai was well aware how pathetic he was, how he didn't fare well in fights and refused to call it quits. He was stubborn, in a way, but mostly he simply refused to give anyone the satisfaction of hurting him. And a lot of people wanted to hurt him. The funniest thing about this whole interaction wasn't Noel baiting him, it wasn't Kai's cowardice, it was the fact that Kai never learned to defend himself. People like Noel would always walk all over him, and Kai grasped onto that thread of avoidance and weakness.

His mother always told him to stay soft. Don't let the world harden him. He knew the image that she had of him was that of a tender, loving boy who was strong and honest. But the older he got, the more he succumbed to insecurities and guilt and he was more of a liar now that he could ever dream. He felt a callous forming over his ribs, and he grew more and more apathetic as the days went on.

Georgie Ohme was not a good person, but Kai felt he owed her his all. Yet there he was, drugged up and letting some fuck boy scream in his face, pick at his flesh, spit on him as a person and as a whole and as whatever the hell Noel saw him as, and... God, why would he fight back? But images of his sobbing mother, whispering how awful she felt as she refused to defend herself from the cruelty of the world, of his father and grandfather and neighbors, and he tensed.

He felt like he owed Noel the benefit of the doubt, even as tears lined his eyes yet again as Noel drove into him how beneath the Gryffindor Kai was. Hate may drip from his tongue, but Kai would not lower himself, but he would not scamper away with his tail between his legs. This was all he knew, after all.

"Look man," He began once Noel seemed to have boiled his little tantrum down, "I didn't say anything, a'right? Hell, I don't even know what you expect from me, like all I've ever known you to be is a big man shoving me around. Like, y'gotta understand." Plus, Kai was generally timid and avoidant in tense situations, not as if he would act differently if it had been any other bully, but Noel was probably the only one to ever break something of his (his face, in this case). In a way, it was a special sort of dread being even near him. "Like, okay, I get it, we don't get along, but relax for two seconds. You're talking about how you're not the same guy, whatever, like you're not literally treating me like how you've literally always treated me. It's messed up I was the one to find your journal, but I honestly didn't know whose it was, and I'm not about to go tell everyone about your diary, that's not cool. Like, what's up with you thinking I'm the bad guy?" Kai laughed, but it wasn't very genuine. It was hurt, if nothing else. And tears were there, brimming his eyes, but he continued,

"Just, my dude, I gave you the book. I'm clearly, like, not here to piss you off. But whatever," He lifted his hands up in defeat-- clearly not the most eloquent of the bunch-- willing to let it go and to let him go and hopefully never cross his path again.

The adult thing to do would have been to turn around and never utter another word to Kai for the rest of his miserable existence, but Noel was not a wise man just yet and some boyish sense of pride hated the idea of letting the other male get the last word. Something about how he had to speak in those quivering utterances real quick before Noel left as if to prove some kind of point. But what was it Kai was trying to prove? That he was an asshole and he knew it? Noel made no excuses for himself. When he heard the laugh it was like the shrill squeal of a braking car. He stood still in the doorway of the classroom, hand outstretched for the latch as something in the back of his mind urged him to forget it, to leave and never look back. Let the boy live in peace. His hand felt numb as the blood rushed to his cheeks.

But unfortunately for Kai, Noel still had quite a bit of growing to do. He wasn't yet the man he would one day become so trivial pursuits of self-pride seemed to be of exorbitant importance to his still tender character. Ever so slowly he turned back around with an expression of pure indignation gracing his fair features, now flush in a lovely shade of scarlet.

"Sorry, bruv, did I not say thank you? Did I snub you in any way? Even when you came in here with your passive aggressive patronizing bullshit, did I argue? You seem to be confused. The reason why you think that I think I'm better than you is because I clearly am. Sometimes shitty things happen to people, and they get the fuck over it instead of whining like a baby about all the injustices in the world, man. No one owes you anything. I don't owe you kindness or consideration just because it's what you think is right. Morality is just an idea some asshole came up with so he could dick the rest of us over, and if you believe anything else you are incredibly foolish," Noel said harshly, his brows furrowed, but once the words left his mouth he realized what he said hadn't been so much about Kai as it was about the kind of things that made him unhappy. His mouth hung open slightly and for the first time he got a good look at Kai, the glassy look in his eyes and the gentle phrasing of his features. Noel frowned.

Fuck, he was an asshole.

He ran a trembling hand through his hair and placed the journal on a desk nearby, letting out a deeply distressed sigh. "Why do you let the shit I say bother you? I'm not anyone important. I-" a pause. When he wasn't being a prick Noel had no idea how to even speak to people. He pressed his thumb to the bridge of his nose and crossed his arms over his chest. "I was just really upset and I didn't mean to make you upset, but it just seems like everything I say to you gets all twisted and warped to mean something else. So uh... Don't cry, ok?"

So his attempts to comfort weren't the best, and he doubted it would make Kai feel any better. 

Kaimana Ohme lol

He truly wished he had never even opened his stupid fucking mouth. No good would ever come out of standing up for himself. It was different when he stood before his sister, his mothers, his friends, and lifted his chin and held strong against people like Noel. He felt like he had every right to do it. That someone needed to do it, and if Kai didn't, those people would just continue walking all over everyone and anything. And Kai couldn't bear that. But as Noel stopped in place, he braced himself and made no effort to interrupt or counter the Gryffindor. Kai did not care about himself like he did other people. That was his fatal flaw, wrapped in this pseudo selfless casing that ultimately cracked and exposed his shitty little feelings.

One could argue that maybe Kai didn't even like himself much. In all sincerity, he made a point to never contemplate himself as an entity. It was best to distance himself from that kind of reflection.

Noel spoke of how much better he was than Kai, and he dropped his head to the side, avoiding eye contact and trying to keep his cool. He wanted to argue that, no one was better than anyone else, but who was Kai to truly even pretend he had any idea what he was talking about? Kai was poor in most aspects of his life: poor in money, grades, attention, understanding. He made poor choices, poor friends. He was rich is familial stability, but only after the likes of Dani and Khalid entered his life. He didn't know what it was like to be stable until his mothers settled down. Until he knew what it was like to have someone to protect. Kai lived for other people, he knew this. His mother raised him that way. Silent and weird on his own, needing someone else to validate his presence to even have an ounce of personality. That was it, wasn't it?

Noel had the confidence and this sense of misguided importance, he was leagues above Kai in the sense that he at least could scrape together individuality. That was it. That was it, wasn't it?

He knew he was just letting Noel win, that he would never think this way otherwise. He wanted to tell Noel that he was wrong, that he was childish thinking this was the way things were supposed to be. That he was pathetic. That he could wallow in his own lonely smugness but he'd never be more than just that; they'd grow up, drift away, and he would have nothing and Kai would still have that shred of good in him. But that was mean to say, wasn't it? And he could hardly keep down the bile as is, opening his mouth again would make it worse. He took a step back, waiting for Noel to finish, so that he could finally leave before he unraveled.

A pause.

"Why do you let the shit I say bother you? I'm not anyone important. I-"

Kai's gaze lifted with the sudden change of tone. Now it was Noel looking shaken and unsure, and Kai had no idea what to make from it. He glanced around the room, waiting for a sign. Like a group of people hiding and snickering or a professor tapping their toe in wait or... maybe a flying pig.

"I was just really upset and I didn't mean to make you upset, but it just seems like everything I say to you gets all twisted and warped to mean something else. So uh... Don't cry, ok?"

With a furrowed brow, Kai finally parted his lips hesitantly. "I could say the same to you," There was no confidence in his voice, but he pressed further, "I don't think there's ever been a time I've spoken to you where it wasn't just completely thrown back in my face." Awkwardly, he scratched his scraggly face and forced himself to look at the Gryffindor. "If it isn't like, totally obvious, I don't... Do well... With stuff like this. I just. Can't. It's easier to ignore it and let everyone have their fun... But I don't know," Another hoarse laugh, "Isn't that why people pick on people like me? Because I cry?" His jaw tightened and his eyes fell back to his feet. He shoved the sleeve of his robe against his right eye, attempting to rub away the tears that accumulated.

"Th- This may sound cheesy, but I believe there's good in everyone. And I know you're being, like, truthful and junk. I just don't want to argue with someone and hurt them. It's like, I'd rather be the one taking the brunt of it," Another pause, "And like, no offense, but after what I read in your um... book... I just don't want to say anything dumb." He knew he sounded dumb as shit, though. Why was he even explaining himself? Why would he assume, just because of Noel's tiny speck of kindness that he wouldn't just turn on Kai again?

But apologies made Kai weaker than weak, and he wanted so desperately to cling to this opportunity, to explain who he was past the petty arguments and broken noses and countless detentions. He had no idea what Noel thought he was, but it had always been wrong. Kai didn't want to succumb to the idea that he was beneath anyone, that he wasn't anything. Doubts would ring in his head, but he knew better. He knew better. He was so much more than that, and he knew Noel was too.

This was something unusual for Noel. Something different, strange, frightening, uncomfortable. Noel hadn't grown up in a house hold that shared feelings or even said their 'I love you's'. The only people who had cried were the weaker children that had come to live at the Beckett estate, and even then they never stayed long. Noel had never even seen his parents affectionate with one another. As far as he was concerned, they hated each other just as much as they hated every other wretched human being on this planet.

Noel was simply a product of his upbringing, but that didn't mean it was his unrefined condition. Noel was rather rawly emotional, but the idea of aerating those emotions struck dread into his pounding heart. Denial of those sentiments would fester and grow bitter over time, but that didn't mean they weren't still there. He reached up and touched his chest uncomfortably. Unbuttoning the first two buttons of his school uniform loosened the lump welling up in his throat but did not extinguish the condition altogether. He leaned back onto a desk and placed a hand to the table top to better balance himself in this moment of weakness.

He stared now, unabashed at the other boy who poured everything out rather ineloquently. He had never heard a more poorly worded expression of dejection, but there was something barefaced and beautiful about it. All the words he tried to write down on paper were to capture moments like this, to which he stood no prospect to contest. Inadequacy wasn't even beginning to brush on the word that Noel now grappled with. And Kai? Well, of course he had no idea. As far as Kai was concerned he was just some mindless animal that gave into whatever carnal delights came his way. Noel himself had always been aware that there was something beyond his peculiar exterior but perhaps had always overlooked the insight it required to recognize anything outside his own immediate facade. 

He wanted to spit back in his face but refrained from doing so. Fear often times evoked reactions of irrationality. Instead he held his tongue. 

But sitting there in silence was weird! Noel could pretend he was the antagonist or antihero or whatever you wanted to label it all he wanted, but at the end of the day he was insecure just like any other stupid teenage delinquent. 

"Uhmmmm," he started and looked down his his own feet. His shoes were untied and he hemming to his pants had begun to unravel. Noel had been ignoring the issue for weeks and refused to write his Mother about it. It was the same kind of pride that kept him from speaking to students like Kai. 

"Maybe we should walk," he suggested tentatively. He would hate for someone to interrupt this crude encounter. Besides, sometimes walking- aimlessly- could ease even the most the overwrought confrontations. That was the goal, wasn't it? To make Kai feel a little less shit? Especially after he had laid into him so mercilessly. 

He didn't wait for his response before grabbing his book and heading towards the doorway, leaving the classroom resulting in an immediate sense of relief. 

"So what did you read?" 


Kaimana Ohme

The two sat quietly for a moment. Kai was fully expecting Noel to blow up in his face, but there was a calm. Albeit, the air around them was tense and unsure, but between the two of them, the seething hatred was no longer encompassing their body language. Kai let his eyes stay tucked between his feet now. There was no need to press Noel to answer him, and he was happy that things were going this well already. It was relieving, to be able to say something without feeling like he would simply be attacked for it. It was sad that that was what the two had amounted throughout all those years.

Kai always knew it was his job to confront his bullies. This was what he was supposed to be doing, right? Resolving things instead of crying about it? But now that he finally admitted his feelings, he wondered if Noel would offer the same. That was silly, wasn't it? But Kai was tired of fighting.

"Maybe we should walk,"

His lips parted, surprised at the offer. Noel immediately took his leave, and Kai hesitantly followed after. Of course he was dubious, but he pushed that back. But in truth, walking and talking was much more relaxing than sitting still, as if in wait. There was something about drifting with a person that allowed for conversation to drift as well. A fluid matching of both the word and the body. Kai wiped his eyes, dry now, though still red. Hell, but anyone would assume absolutely anything else with Kai and red eyes, wouldn't they?

He matched Noel quietly, but he wasn't as timid now. He loosened, let his natural gait fall into place. He took a deep breath and let it out slow and steady.

"So what did you read?"

"Ahhh," Kai scratched his chin again, "Well. I flipped through it a little bit, out of curiosity. At first I read something about a girl that was being shitty with... er... you. But I didn't like, go and find her name, y'feel? But then I found stuff about... How you like... Don't really enjoy growing up... And feel alone and whatnot... I think there was a poem, too, but I only sort of skimmed it."

He paused for a moment.

"I write poetry, too. Not as good. My vocabulary is, uh, not as great. But like? I guess that's not the point," Kai's eyes darted toward the Gryffindor, before ending his digression, "Mostly just stuff about how you're lonely... I stopped reading pretty quickly, like. I'm not shitting you, bruv, I didn't want to go spelunking into someone's, like, totally personal... journal." He refrained from saying diary, in case someone was in ear shot. Somehow, the word seemed a bit degrading, only in Noel's sense. As if calling it a diary would offend him.

Rhythmic movements had a calming aftermath. The sway of his arms, the echo of the soles of his burnished leather school brogues did wonders for the intensified state of his disquiet. In truth, Noel had wanted to walk because it was a distraction from the lump swelling up in his throat as he faced yet another culpable face of his prior self. He wasn't like Kai in any regard really, especially in that he did not cry. Ever. Period. End of discussion. 

As they walked he stared at the portraits, the majority of them currently empty. There was likely a portrait party going on somewhere. Truly the two of them were alone from prying ears, and Noel wasn't sure if he was thankful or unsettled by that fact. 

But when Kai spoke of what he read, all of it, even the things that made Noel feel hysterically uncomfortable, he let out a gibbeted laugh. Though he wasn't trying to, it did help make light of the distressing situation. 

"No, a girl, being shitty to me? Who would have thought," he said acerbically. Noel didn't have the best track record when it came to his dating life. Most of his past relationships had ended in flames, though he wasn't entirely innocent on that front. People did shitty things when they were impassioned. Noel did shitty things even when he wasn't. It didn't take a genius to figure that all of a person's terrible qualities were exacerbated tenfold when weighty emotions were brought into the mix. In truth, Noel had made it a point in some cases to dismantle another persons life, and while it wasn't an exploit he was proud of, it had felt fucking great at the time. 

"Listen Kai, I guess I might owe you some kind of apology for the past couple years, but to be fair you've always been a little passive aggressive shit," he said with a grimace, looking anywhere but in the taller Hufflepuff boys direction. "I'm not the best and... I know that now. I didn't before. Or maybe I did and just thought..." An uncomfortable pause. He didn't really know what he was saying. "I don't know what I thought, but I'm not really like that anymore. I do... stupid journal shit so I don't punch guys like you in the face anymore, alright?" 

Well, it wasn't quite an apology, but it was close enough. 
Kaimana Ohme

"No, a girl, being shitty to me? Who would have thought,"

Kai turned to look at him, a little dumbfounded. Were girls shitty to Noel? It's nothing he ever noticed. In all honesty, Kai never noticed anything romantic with other people. Whether or not things didn't click between people was not something Kai ever considered. For one, Noel seemed the broody handsome type, which people liked, didn't they? Well, Kai liked it. Not necessarily on Noel, because prior to this point he was absolutely disgusting, but it was still a thing. He wasn't sure why he found this so surprising. For two, was this something people noticed? Kai actually never really pondered romance on his own.

It wasn't a thing. He didn't care at all. Hell, life was probably easier avoiding the hardships of love, based on everyone's reactions to it. Noel included.

"Is it because you throw paper balls at them?" Kai smiled slightly, a small jab he couldn't resist, "Sorry. I can't give ye' shit over that."

But Noel began to pour out a bit more emotion, and Kai's face fell blank. He wasn't quite sure how to feel, really. There were times where Kai dreamed that he could overcome people like Noel, where he could befriend them and make them see the kinder light in life. It was silly, completely unreasonable, but there he was: bonding with Noel.

"I am pretty passive aggressive... I'll give that to ya'," He wrapped his arms around himself, trying very hard not to get defensive. It was true, though. And he would accept that criticism from anyone else. It wasn't exactly something he would, or could, fix about himself. He'd rather be passively aggressive than aggressively aggressive. But Kai fell silent for a moment, contemplating Noel's words. It wasn't something he ever expected to hear.

"I really appreciate this, Noel," His eyes couldn't meet the Gryffindor's, "You really didn't have to, like, apologize to me, but you did. And that takes a lot of courage. Like... Especially after you broke my fuckin' nose." He smirked for a moment, clearly trying to remain lighthearted to avoid the impending stream of tears. It wasn't really working. "As much as we've, like... Shit talked and tussled and whatnot, I never really wanted any of this to go the way it did," His fingers grasped the cotton of his coat, and he sniffed lightly.

"I'm real sorry, too, aight? It takes both sides for things to get, like, this shit. I can def share some of the blame," Kai bit his lip, but nodded, his gaze never lifting from the floor as he spoke, "I mean, you were kinda... Absolutely, ridiculously harsh, but I guess we all have our different anger issues. After all, it's not like I didn't try to beat your face in, too. I respect finding a new way to take it out... Especially in the creative sense. Like, that's super cool."

Another pause,

"I have no idea what I do? Play drums maybe. Get high? I used to get the shit beaten out of me in my neighborhood, because I couldn't keep my mouth shut," Kai laughed at himself. Wow, he did sound really pathetic.