Hufflepuff
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They don't call me Mr. Greenside for no reason.
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Post by Llewellyn Ludlow on May 15, 2016 10:28:51 GMT -5
[ uniform] Despite the Astronomy Tower being mostly off limits to students and a bit of a relic in the architecture of the school, this particular Hufflepuff had found it to be a treasured location since his fourth year, especially on his exceptionally lazy days where the thought of class dragged heavy in his thoughts like a wet blanket. The school hadn't had an Astronomy teacher for several years now, perhaps there had been one at some point during his junior years but Llewellyn was neither observant nor retentive to that sort of detail. He knew, however, that the location was one that rarely saw use despite the breathtaking landscape that surrounded the castle, especially from this altitude. And so the room gathered dust and debris as an antecedent of its former golden glory days. Perhaps, as the times changed, the Wizarding World had stopped seeing the value in such ancient magics and the death of the subject had simply been inevitable. Despite the dust and worn down nature of the room, the light still filtered in through the tall curvature of the archways all the same, and on days where the sky turned a cheerful blue- unusual for Scotland during this time of year- Llewellyn would indulge, usually unaccompanied, and watch the clouds pass by and forget about the stress of his academic career. He was missing potions today, and it was likely he was also missing a test, but just so long as he chanted his 'out of sight, out of mind' mantra, then all was well. Perched upon some scaffold that surrounded the tower, Llewellyn's legs kicked and hung loosely over the edge and into the air and his arms rested upon the safety rail. Below, the grounds were covered in fresh powder from the night prior, so white it nearly retained a blinding quality. Gripped between his cold fingers he held a strawberry poptart, it's wrapping crinkly and seemingly thunderous in the quiet of the abandoned tower. His Mum had sent over a care package just that morning, bless her heart. Taking a bite of his poptart he watched as a section of the sweet crumbled away and fell to the white abyss below, looking a little sad for a moment but not dwelling too long on his misfortune. tags; ooooopen sesame |
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Hufflepuff
Chaser
6th Year
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Whatever, bruh. Let's blade.
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Post by Kaimana Ohme on May 17, 2016 16:57:24 GMT -5
[ uniform. ] Having be released from Potions, Kai was tasked one purpose: Find his dormmate. The only reason this was even dubbed his job was because he said he had an idea where Llewellyn could be. Now, that was true, but he never had any intention of bringing his friend back to class. If Llewellyn wanted to skip class, Kai was gonna let him. The Potions Mistress or whatever had an important assignment... Or whatever... And he was to get back quickly. Or something. Kai would probably just skip class too, now that he was out and about with an excuse stuffed in his pocket. But it wouldn't hurt to find his friend. Kai was prone to feeling guilty when he skipped class, but having a distraction always helped. And he was curious what that fluffy head was up to, as it would likely be a lot more fun than trying and failing to boil a cauldron of water. And... Y'know? Why would he want to do a project without the bffl? It was mostly just dumb luck Kai knew where to go. Sometimes Llewellyn hid, and Kai was the type to just let him, but they hid together on occasion and there seemed to be a favorite when it came to skipping class. He figured, if Llewellyn wasn't there, he would simply move on. Albeit it was a shitty, out of the way location, and laziness was rubbing its way into Kai's bones today. The chill and him simply couldn't get along at times. But there was that mop, sitting at the edge of the tower as Kai peeked through. Satisfied with his investigative skills, Kai beamed at the back of that silly head. Oh, Llewellyn. You scamp, you. He made no attempt to conceal himself, as that would be rude. Instead, he rather conspicuously trotted over to the edge, waving in that cool, half-lifted hand way that Bros Did in case Llewellyn were to notice. He dropped to his side, long legs dangling fearlessly. "Ay, yo," He chirped, "What's good?" With that, he pulled his bag over by the strap and began to rummage through it for a chocolate bar. "We got some assignment in potions, dunno what it is, though," A plain shrug lifted his shoulders, casual to a fault, but too content to care. euuughghhh |
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Hufflepuff
6th Year
91
posts
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They don't call me Mr. Greenside for no reason.
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Post by Llewellyn Ludlow on May 18, 2016 20:07:37 GMT -5
"Don't speak," Llewellyn said to Kai as he sat down beside him, holding up a finger and pressing it to his accomplice's lips theatrically. "I know just what you're saying, so please just stop explaining," he continued, this time his voice taking on a delightful croon. Llewellyn's voice wasn't wholly terrible, albeit decidedly unrefined. Occasionally, there was the rare evening that he and Kai would stay up late for their impromptu jam sessions. Kai was a killer pencil/hardback book cover drummer. This year Llewellyn had sumptuously brought along his acoustic guitar to school, though most didn't have the patience to listen to the budding musician pluck away at scales all hours of the day. Despite the gripes of his classmates Llewellyn was rather contented to find something that he wasn't, for once, absolutely dreadful at. He let his hand fall from Kai's lips and turned to the empty air and the bright landscape below.
"Don't tell me 'cause it hurts, oh no no nooooo," he continued vehemently, a satisfied grin coiling up onto his jejune features as he listened to the echo, a thick tendril of matted hair falling into his face. He took another generous bite from his poptart before waving it's sprinkle-coated backer in front of Kai's face who had been rummaging through his bag, likely looking for a snack. Kai always had snacks, so it was only fair if Llewellyn shared, as much as he didn't want to.
"Nothing much, hangin'," he quipped, kicking his legs out below him and leaning his head against the safety rail. "I couldn't even stand the idea of going to potions today. My head is just like, so so out there right now," he sighed, gazing fondly out towards the sky with glassy saucer eyes. So shiny that the burnished impression of he sky could be clearly seen mirrored in his iris's. "Lately I don't know dude. I can't sleep or focus on anything. You know, worse than the usual. I feel sick, all the time. I'm just always..." he let the thought trail off, nearly forgetting with whom he was speaking with. He let his mouth close and twisted his head onto its side so Kai's profile came into view.
When Llewellyn was alone with Kai, like this, suddenly the world seemed so simple, serene, and Llewellyn couldn't seem to wipe that big goofy smile from his face. He studied his profile mutely, the curve of his jaw up into the lobe of his ear, the hollows just below his uniquely memorable eyes. Ones that he found himself more and more inclined towards, catching glimpses while Kai was distracted. His eyes traced downwards to the subtle curve of Kai's top lip, the way the corners of his mouth turned upwards so that he looked like he was always in on the joke. A feature Llewellyn found to be strangely satisfying, as curious as it sounded. He didn't make the rules of attraction, he was a slave to them as much as anyone else was.
"You know... like... clouds probably have the best life, just floating along all day and night. They're not happy or sad or anything. Sometimes they look like something, but at the end of the day all they are is a big ball of fluffy particles."
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Hufflepuff
Chaser
6th Year
184
posts
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Whatever, bruh. Let's blade.
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Post by Kaimana Ohme on May 21, 2016 1:30:13 GMT -5
Llewellyn's finger was suddenly at his lips, and his attention tore from the bag and to his friend. Like karaoke without the public embarrassment, his friend began emulating a sloppy Gwen Stefani, and stirred a deep throated chuckle from Kai. He went back to digging for snacks, and when he couldn't find anything of interest, he pushed the bag away. He was about to steal his friend's scraps, as tempting as it was. "Don't speak. I know what you're thinking," He began, his own impersonation horrendous as it was, placing his hand on the other boy's hand, "And I don't need your reasons. Don't tell me, because it hurts."
With that, he pulled Llewellyn's hand closer, in attempt to snatch a chomp from his poptart. He turned back toward the railing with a devious smirk, like "how dare you not bring more for me", though he truly didn't mind. After all, Kai was the one who typically supplied the snacks, and he was sadly lacking this time around.
Glued to the ground below, marveling at the snow and the chill, he listened to Llewellyn muse about how off he was feeling. He nodded along, showing his support, before Llewellyn cut himself off. Kai leaned back for a second, glancing over to see if his friend was okay. But Llewellyn simply looked stuck; like a sad lump that wasn't sure what he was saying, and wary to admit too much. He was like that. Kai understood that. He gave him a knowing look, a smile and a nod, to show he understood that things like that were always so hard for Llewellyn to talk about.
"You know... like... clouds probably have the best life, just floating along all day and night. They're not happy or sad or anything. Sometimes they look like something, but at the end of the day all they are is a big ball of fluffy particles."
Kai contemplated this for a moment, leaning back on his elbows to avoid the blinding light of the snow below. "When I was a kid, I asked my mum what clouds felt like," He began, his bicolored eyes drifting upward, "She twirled around and said, 'they feel like everything, they feel like you and me'. I guess she meant, like, air, y'feel? But it made me feel like I could be a cloud if I wanted to be a cloud." Since then, she had equated him to the ocean and the sun and so on, always the poetic type. He guessed that was part of the reason he loved playing Quidditch, where he could simply float around and hardly care about anything aside from tossing a ball around. And everyone knew ball was life.
"We, like, can both be clouds, or something. Bro it up with the sun n' shit, it'll be rad," He nodded slowly, eyes squinting with a lackluster giggle, "But I think being human is pretty cool, too. You can eat donuts and talk to people and, like... Pet dogs. Swim. I'm fairly certain clouds can't do that shit, but I'm no cloud doctor-scientist."
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Hufflepuff
6th Year
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posts
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They don't call me Mr. Greenside for no reason.
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Post by Llewellyn Ludlow on May 22, 2016 18:03:34 GMT -5
As Kai offered his own type of Kai-ish encouragement, Llewellyn relinquished ownership of his remaining poptart, passing the metallic wrapped treat off to his hungry companion. He didn't much feel like eating anyway, and while Kai tried to comfort, he wasn't sure if his words were quite what Llewellyn needed, much less wanted to hear. Llewellyn would like it if they could've both been clouds together, but increasingly it seemed like those sort of options were dwindling. After all, a cloud could only hold onto its rain for so long, and Llewellyn had been holding onto that weight for longer than he cared to admit. He hadn't noticed when exactly things had changed inside him, but the change was irreversible. It had never been Kai who had remained a stable constant in his life. The thought of losing him as a friend made Llewellyn feel physically ill, almost as much as the idea of seeing him with someone else. As the two boys grew up, however, the later was inevitable. Kai after all had so much love to give, and Llewellyn wanted to see him happy.
Puffing out his cheeks Llewellyn ran a troubled hand through his hair, fingers getting caught in the uncultivated curls.
Suddenly, he was cutting Kai off in his prattle about cloud scientists, his voice strained and distinctly pained.
"You know when you like sweets right? And you like them a lot, and I'm sure they really like you back,"he started, leaning back from the rail and looking anywhere but in his friends direction. "But too many sweets isn't good for anyone, you know? Especially if you're trying to cut down because they make you sick or something. Then you're walking around and seeing other people eating sweets and you're saying to yourself 'shit, I wish that was me enjoying them'. It's not the sweets fault or anything, and they deserve to be enjoyed because that's what they were brought here to do. They never changed. They were just... too much for someone to handle, right?" he said rather abstractly, staring at his hands that felt weak and wobbly. He looked to Kai to see if he was following, but he wasn't sure if the other boy would get the analogy.
"I-I just don't think I can do that. I can't be a cloud with you. It's not your fault though."
He reached up and touched his chest, his heart beat rattling his ribcage.
"I'm so sorry."
Llewellyn swung his feet up and stood, perhaps a bit too fast, as he was feeling light headed. He steadied himself on the railing despite wanting very badly to dash before he saw Kai's reaction.
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Hufflepuff
Chaser
6th Year
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Whatever, bruh. Let's blade.
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Post by Kaimana Ohme on May 22, 2016 19:08:54 GMT -5
Suddenly, Llewellyn's poptart was in Kai's face and he instinctively took it from him, expecting it to be a simple offer of snack-tude. But he followed the other boy, whom seemed reluctant to continue the conversation. He had seen his friend upset before, to the extent where he couldn't talk about it, but it was clear that Llewellyn had every intention to press forward. Kai wanted to tell him that it was okay. He understood. Things just couldn't always be spoken, things couldn't always be touched upon. There were things that the people hid inside themselves, and while Kai wasn't necessarily one of them, he understood it hurt. Hell, he understood what it was like to be ashamed of those feelings. It wasn't as if he didn't lie on a regular basis to his family. Sometimes, he felt like that didn't count, and it made the guilt in his gut twist further and further until it was simply a part of him.
But his friend began on a tangent about sweets. Initially, Kai wondered if this was about his stealing Llewellyn's snack, because like? He could totally eat his own snacks, and Llewellyn wouldn't have to worry about Kai stealing them, if he felt so strongly about it. Hell, Kai could go digging through his bag right now and possibly find a crumbled up crispy rice treat. He moved to offer it, but then,
"I-I just don't think I can do that. I can't be a cloud with you. It's not your fault though."
He paused, brow furrowing. Llewellyn was out of breath, whispering apologies that Kai didn't understand. He watched his friend stand, eyes darting around, before it finally sunk in: He was the sweet treat, and Llewellyn was leaving.
"What?" Kai squeaked, the inevitable tears immediately gushing down his face. He didn't understand what was happening. One moment, he was talking to him about his mother and her romanticized clouds, and now they weren't? friends? anymore? There were few occasions where Kai lost a pal, and those people tended to be long upon that route before Kai could start caring like he cared about Llewellyn. The guy was his bro. His brotp, if you will. Everything about Llewellyn made sense, and it was clear, even when it was opaque and grayed out and possibly too allegorical for Kai to fully grasp. But now it wasn't making any sense.
"No... No. Wait. You can't just..." He wasn't sure what the word he was looking for was. Break up with him? That didn't seem right, but it was the only way he could think of it. "I don't... But we're supposed to be..." The sobs were encompassing his already scrambled words, and he roughly tried to rub away the tears with the wool of his sleeve. Afraid that Llewellyn would leave, before Kai could even say something coherent, he pulled himself from the edge, to his friend's feet. He grasped his leg, in a poor attempt to grovel,
"Please, Llewellyn. Don't do this. What did I do? What did I do? This isn't about the snacks, is it?" He refrained from looking up at him, almost growing ashamed of himself through the pathetic pleas, "I- I can change, I can be a better friend, I can do it for you! I swear." His mother always taught him a particular thing: When a person wants him to let go, he needs to let go. But his fingers clenched the leg of Llewellyn's pants like a child not getting what he wanted.
He was reminded of Daniyah. How she brushed him off, how he never got the chance to beg her to listen to him. But that grave was dug before he even knew it was there, and now he felt like he was losing a brother as well as a friend. He couldn't deal with that level of disappointing the people he cared about.
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Hufflepuff
6th Year
91
posts
101
likes
They don't call me Mr. Greenside for no reason.
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Post by Llewellyn Ludlow on May 24, 2016 0:40:54 GMT -5
The reason Llewellyn had been so anxious to leave was exactly because the anticipated waterworks that now spilled forth. Llewellyn had seen Kai cry frequently as his friend wasn’t exactly the type to hide his feelings. He wasn’t nearly so contrived by his upbringing as the young Scotsman was, concerned with appearances of masculinity and hardiness. If there was an opposite to Llewellyn’s bottlenecking of emotions, it was certainly the Ohme boy who seemed as moved as the oceans tides, releasing whatever waves that dwelled beneath the surface at the drop of a hat.
But just because Llewellyn was used to it, did not make it easy, and as he watched his friend grovel he felt his heart wretch and immediately regretted the decision and the hasty emotionally-driven words. They were necessary but not kind nor gentle, though Llewellyn had tried to explain himself in the most tactful of ways. He wasn’t great with words either way, and as he felt the other tug at his pants he was reminded that this wasn’t for him. This was for Kai.
Because at the end of the day Llewellyn would rather have Kai believe that he hated him than to have the boy deal with the guilt of affections that couldn’t be returned or were forced. He had been selfish to lead him on with those pretenses for so long. Kai was his best friend, but that would never be enough.
“You didn’t do anything,” he said, moving his leg deliberately from his grasp. “You’re great. I mean it. Don’t go changing for me or anyone else,” came an impassioned response, leaning over and gripping Kai by his shoulders. Llewellyn, although stiff and uneasy, managed to hold himself together. It was surprising considering he could feel something in him crumbling away as he articulated himself.
“I’m just kind of fucked up right now. My heads not on straight, and it has to do with you, and I just don’t think it’s a great idea if I’m around you... at all.”
There was no elasticity to his words. Llewellyn had made his mind up some time ago and changing it was out of the question. Facing Kai now, he searched the other boys broken features while thinking I did this to him. He was beautiful and naive and perfect and Llewellyn loved him in a way he'd thought was only true of shitty radio songs that he somehow nauseatingly enjoyed.
"Please Kai. Please stop crying. I... I need to do this."
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Hufflepuff
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6th Year
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Whatever, bruh. Let's blade.
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Post by Kaimana Ohme on May 25, 2016 19:36:49 GMT -5
When Llewellyn pulled away, Kai felt his stomach lurch along with him. He hated how pathetic he was acting, like a child screaming for a toy. But Llewellyn was so much more than just a toy. He was one of the most important people in his life, side by side with his family. Hell, Llewellyn was practically family, though no amount of "bro" speak could equate him to an actual brother. Kai was never sure why this was, as he felt so connected to him. He had a hard time differentiating friends and family, he supposed, but... When Llewellyn spent time with him and his siblings, things felt right. It felt like home, but with a special something added to the mix. Like a long lost, missing ingredient. Like eating peanut butter and chocolate for the first time.
“You’re great. I mean it. Don’t go changing for me or anyone else,”
But that clearly wasn't true, was it? He bit the words against his tongue: You liar. And Llewellyn's touch made him feel dizzy, scared even. He couldn't make sense of it all. And fuck, it hurt. It was the last thing he expected, the last thing he needed after his run in with Daniyah, and yet there they were. Llewellyn had his reasons, of course. He had to. It was selfish for Kai to assume Llewellyn would have to put his feelings aside for just a tad longer, until Kai felt a little better.
But he placed his shaking hands on Llewellyn's wrists and forced himself to look up at his friend.
He thought on what he said at the party. How silly he felt afterward, but he was so sincere.
Orange never seemed so harsh before.
But even sunsets could hurt, if you stared for too long. That was basic knowledge. Kai hated himself for not realizing this.
"I..." His voice cracked, "Llewellyn... I love you so much, like, like, like... What am I..." Supposed to do without him? He swallowed such a selfish thought. The last thing he wanted was to make this harder for his friend. He had so many questions, but he was supposed to just let someone go if they wanted to go. "There has to be something..." But his fingers slipped from Llewellyn's sleeves and he sat back, onto his knees, resting with a solemn expression.
The tears would not stop, but something inside Kai took a pause, and the weight was finally sinking in. He had no one to speak to about this, and he had to stop himself from burdening his friend any further. "I'm... I'm sorry I did this to you," He murmured, dropping his chin in shame. The only way he could salvage this moment, this pathetic mess of feelings, is if he simply gave up. He wanted to badly to hold onto Llewellyn and never let go, console whatever wounds Kai had caused. How was this not his fault if it was about him? How could he ever brush this off, no big deal, like he didn't ruin his closest friendship? He fell quiet then, digging his palms into his eyes and forcing himself to stop. Stop, stop, stop. He was ruining everything and all he could do was think about himself.
And maybe he'd open his eyes, and he'd be sitting back against the railing, Llewellyn singing No Doubt and eating a poptart, and it'd all be just some fucked up dream. Bad breakfast. Bad wake and bake. Just something that wasn't the reality standing before him.
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Hufflepuff
6th Year
91
posts
101
likes
They don't call me Mr. Greenside for no reason.
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Post by Llewellyn Ludlow on May 29, 2016 8:57:37 GMT -5
When Llewellyn spoke those words he felt distant. Detached, like it was someone else's dream and he was just living the drawn out nightmare inked out in grime, but this feeling wasn’t unusual for the Badger, who watched the scene play out like a movie.
However, it was the affair that felt wrong despite his hopeless rationalizations of why he had to disentangle himself from this divine messenger.
For everything that Kai was, Llewellyn wasn't. He wasn't sensitive or good or even honest. Llewellyn was a liar, he was two-faced. He wished that he could say this was the first time he’d ever lied to Kai but it wasn’t. In truth, he had been misleading his friend for years. The Hufflepuff boy that had let Llewellyn into his life at a sprightly green eleven years old and nurtured his ugly soul into something that resembled goodness. This was before the drugs, the parties, the hookups. Kai had just been this rad skater kid and Llewellyn had thought he wanted to be like him. Years later he would realize he’d been mistaken, and that he actually wanted to be with him while he watched flings casually drift in and out of Kai’s life.
But that was a lie, wasn’t it? The bit about being good. His soul never changed. Llewellyn still battled with those ugly demons every day and his soul was just as filthy as it had always been. Just because they disguised themselves as something good and pure, didn’t mean they didn’t still exist under that thin veneer of smoke and good vibes. Try as he may, he couldn’t absorb the goodness brought into his life by Kai. The truth was his insides were black and rotten away and Llewellyn was too ashamed and afraid to show those parts of himself to anyone.
Even Kai. He was too good for that anyway.
He deserved to be thrown into the fire for what he was doing and this contempt for himself burned a hole in his gut. Once again, this was normal. Self loathing was second nature.
He felt Kai’s tremors when he gripped his wrists, and for a second Llewellyn thought to pull his hands away, to concede, to let Kai get his way. Instead Llewellyn tightened his grasp and met his gaze with an uncharacteristic self-resolve (though it was more for himself than for Kai).
But then Kai spoke, and what he said left Llewellyn hazy and faltering. This change in expression was evident on his features as his gaze softened and his lips parted gently. He looked like he wanted to say something, but as usual his tongue was caught in limbo between his brain and his heart as he gazed down at his broken sobbing friend.
If there was ever something he was uncertain of, this was not it. Llewellyn loved Kai. He’d known it for years. Even if Kai only meant it in a brotherly way. He would never ask for more than that. Besides, he wasn’t even sure if Kai knew what romantic love was.
But the second part struck Llewellyn in a way that wasn’t expected.
"I'm... I'm sorry I did this to you."
Sunken with guilt he watched Kai’s eyes close wordlessly. All the words that Llewellyn left unsaid, the things Llewellyn had neglected to tell him, had stuck with Kai in the worst way possible. Even now, Llewellyn thought to tell Kai that it wasn’t him. The person that did this to him had done it a long time ago, before Kai had ever been in the picture. But before he had the chance to tell him any of that, the overwhelmingly habitual feeling of disquieted flight bled itself into his bones. Instead he stood, seized up his book bag, and left.
~end thread~
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