Friday After Firewhiskey

[ outfit. ]

Kai had finally gotten his letter from his mom. All it said was, "We need to talk." This was, by far, way worst than he could have ever feared. She was obviously too mad to even say more. Even if the rational part of him reminded himself constantly that Georgina Ohme knew when she had to speak face to face and when she could say things simply over letters, he was overwhelmed by the possibilities. He felt like he could feel the disappointment through the carefully written letters, so clear and concise. Her handwriting had never been so neat before.

He dwelled on this ever since he received the letter that morning, sitting in a shell shock stare throughout his classes, possibly getting the most work done in the entire school year simply because he wasn't asleep. Having fallen asleep, pillow clutched firmly to his chest, he knew that a little rest would make him feel a bit better. That he'd forget the brunt of it when he woke up.

And he did, for the most part... His sleep was simply cut short from a fluttering bird that landed in his hair, tangling within the charmed locks until he stirred.

Tearing it from his ponytail, Kai unfolded it carefully (and felt really bad about it-- did he just rip sentience from this thing? Did anyone really ever stop and figure out if they were magicking new beings to life?) The words were clear, but he had to read them a few times to comprehend it through his sleepy haze. It had been a while since he did anything that gave his world that cotton feeling, and he was slowly losing grip on being accustomed to it. He frowned a bit, but finally understood; he picked himself up from his pile of blankets with stretching limbs.

"Oh, ay dude," He wasn't sure who he was expecting, but Tobias made a lot of sense. He should have figured due to how pretty the whole... paper thing was. But they mostly spent nights in Tobias' dorm, Kai deciding a change of scenery was what he needed. "What's up? Just visitin'? I'm really... sore, by the way, so..." He was rubbing the sleep from his eye, standing before the fireplace now. It was nice and warm, and Kai enjoyed the heat even through his layers of clothes. But, he smiled dumbly at the Gryffindor, pleased to be in his presence, even through his implications.

As Kai came down with bed head, still half asleep, Tobias couldn’t help but smile. His anger starting to fade a bit in Kai's presence. They were just shitty people. Horrible people who didn’t deserve his time or Kai’s. As Kai started talking he got caught up in Kai’s colorful clothes. It seemed he was always wearing some sort of bright colored pattern. As he continued talking the sound of Kai's voice took him off guard. As he stared into the boy’s beautiful mismatched eyes, he suddenly felt how lucky he was.

“Huh,” he started, very eloquently, “oh yeah, I was stopping by. I was out on the pitch and well… You might know who that kid was actually; hufflepuff, probably our year or younger with a mop for hair and an attitude a mile long. He seemed to know you at least. Jealous type.”

He walked closer to Kai, kissing him on the forehead gently. Trying not to remember how much he wanted to go back to that pitch and start blowing shit up. No, he’d focus on Kai’s soft hair and pretty eyes not how easy it would be to hurt that obnoxious kid. To blow up the ground and teach him some manners… No, focus on Kai’s pretty lips and soft skin. That was more important right now.

“Whoever he was, I swear he forgot he even had a wand and was going to try and punch me. But whatever, how are you? I’m sorry if I woke you,” he paused there to give Kai another light kiss this time on the lips, “I promise to make it up to you.”

The longer he spent around Kai, the calmer he got. Sinking into the happiness of being with someone he loved, someone sweet and kind and lovely. Someone he cared about.

Both of them seemed a bit out of it, and initial thoughts jumped to the idea that Tobias had stumbled his way from Gryffindor tower, half asleep, to visit him. And he couldn't help but feel a bit warmed by that thought, the idea that someone would come all the way down to see him despite the tired hours. And his brain went a lil' fuzzy when Tobias came and gingerly kissed him, and all the words he spoke almost melted together. But he blinked sleepily and smiled, processing this information slowly.

Hufflepuff, same year, knew Kai, a little bit of an attitude... Mop head. That's what he called "Llewellyn?" Kai's brow furrowed, almost taken aback. He supposed Llewellyn had a bit of an attitude, but he couldn't recall him ever being jealous the jealous type. Jealous over what, anyway? He couldn't quite place what Tobias meant by that. He saw a bit of similarities between the two, and he knew Llewellyn didn't like the whole rich boy ideology that could be... easily placed on his boyfriend. The idea of them fighting was a bit... Scary, quite frankly.

But he softened when Tobias met his lips, hazy and fuzzy and butterflies fluttering in his stomach. "I'm... A lot better now, actually. It's good to see you," He grinned and pulled himself close, mouth lingering against Tobias'. When they parted, Kai licked his bottom lip and paused. He'd been drinking. He got drunk with Llewellyn and they... almost fought? In a way, he was sorta secretly glad that they weren't friends. He needed Tobias all to himself. Why were they together to begin with, though? Kai felt like it wasn't his place to ask, to question his boyfriend's whereabouts. But he never wanted to think about Llewellyn and Tobias talking; Llewellyn telling him his secrets he never shared, Llewellyn telling him why Kai was a bad friend. He needed somebody, and Tobias was that somebody, and he didn't want him to be his next Llewellyn.

"B- But," Kai stammered for a moment, fingers lingering on Tobias' shoulder, cupping his neck tenderly, "What do y'mean Llewellyn tried to fight ya'? What happened?"

As Kai dropped a name he took a mental note to remember it. Llewellyn, the asshat who had a whole lot of pain coming if he tried something again. Kai didn’t seem all that fine however, he hadn’t know him long enough to tell if he was was hiding being upset or not. He’d made sure to ask. Normally when he couldn’t tell something was up, and if it wasn’t then he could just smile and say that Kai being happy made him happy too. As Kai asked about what had happened, he took Kai’s hand and leaded him over to a comfy looking sofa.

"Well,” he said, before when sitting down, “I was going to do some light night Quidditch practice, which is why my broom is over there. And there were people on the pitch, so I landed and talked to one of the Ravenclaw chasers and that blonde bitch, Ana. Thought she would be the worst of it until Strangways joined us, and while I could have just ignored him, what’s the name you said, Llewellyn? Showed up and started throwing a fit after I nicely asked him how to get in here to come see you. Because I made the mistake of assuming he was a reasonable human being. Ana stopped him from starting something so he was simply throwing empty words. But you don’t have to worry, I wasn’t about to hex someone who might be your friend. No mater how much he was asking for it.”

As he said it he meant it, forgetting all his plans and intentions to wreak the kid. His mind rewriting his memories so that he was simply defending himself, trying to figure out what was going on with a violent kid who wanted to punch him. He smiled at his boyfriend then, calm and caring, looking down at him with only love. It didn’t occur to him what type of love it was. In his mind it was all powering happy, I will protect him no mater what type of love. That he barely knew Kai didn’t mean anything in his mind.

“You seemed down though,” he said, looking at Kai carefully, the worry clear in his eyes “or at least you did. What happened? You okay?”

Kai eased onto the couch, staring wide-eyed at his boyfriend as he spoke, brow crumbled in confusion. He wasn't understanding at all. There were many names that he knew, someone unnamed that he likely also knew, but they weren't relevant in context. None of them made sense. Well, Ana... Kind of did? She and Llewellyn used to talk. He could only guess they were hanging out again? A pang of jealousy struck him then, knowing the romantic connotations behind that. Or... Was it... because he had... other friends?

He wasn't sure what he was feeling right now.

But it was overwhelming. Two of his friends were hanging out with Llewellyn on the pitch, Tobias and Lachlan. Lachlan knew a bit about Kai now, and he was growing increasingly shy at the mere thought of the guy. He liked Lachlan. He was a cool guy. But how could Kai face him, when Lachlan knew what a fuck up he was? His thoughts traced back to the letter he received. This was all turning into a web of anxiety, and Kai didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about it.

Would Lachlan tell Llewellyn about what Daniyah said? Worse, would he judge Llewellyn for it? The idea of anyone hurting Llewellyn...

He wasn't sure what he would do if Llewellyn hurt Tobias. What could he do? That didn't sound like his friend at all.

Oh...

But they weren't friends anymore... were they?

"You two fought o- over me?" His voice broke for a moment. He wondered if it was Tobias defending him, or something silly like that. He couldn't understand why Llewellyn would ever start a fight over him. "What did he say? Did he tell you anything about me? Did he say anything about me? Or, no... Maybe don't tell me, I--" He rubbed his eyes again, this time rubbing away the threat of tears. He had yet to show Tobias that pathetic part of him, the part that cried over any form of conflict. Got teary-eyed and walked away when things were upsetting.

Kai hardly needed coercion to speak the truth, especially not nowadays. "I got a letter from my mum-- Actually, it was kind of about Llewellyn-- He and I were best friends, y'know? I don't know what happened, but suddenly we're not, and it, like? Hurts? And Daniyah told our mums that Llewellyn was doing bad things to me," He shook his head frantically then, "But he wasn't, like, at all. I swear. I think she was just confused, she's, like, a kid and stuff. I love Llewellyn, and I don't know what he's saying about me. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I did wrong. But my mums are upset and I'm sober and everything, like? Sucks. I miss my best friend and my sister, dude."

And while he wasn't crying, his babbling increased tenfold. Kai wasn't very good at keeping himself together.

As soon as he saw the tears starting to well up, Tobias pulled Kai towards him into a hug. Letting him talk as long as he needed to without interrupting. Tobias kissed him gently on the forehead replying.

"He was obviously angry and it doesn't mater what he said about you, I know he was lying," Tobias spoke reassuringly, "and if tonight was any indicator you're much better without someone like him in your life. I know you don't want to hear this but your sister's right to worry. Llewellyn seemed quiet happy to have hurt you when he was insulting me about having to pick up the pieces he broke. I'm sure Daniyah is only worried about your wellbeing. I am as well."

Taking Kai's hand, his thought had already started racing. As soon as he'd heard someone else thought that Llewellyn was a danger to Kai, he'd cemented that thought in his mind. When Kai said he loved the kid, he was about ready to hex Llewellyn so badly that he wouldn't be getting back up. But no, he didn't want to upset Kai even more. Also he made a note that Kai had said mums plural, so apparently he had a more complex family than previously thought. But Llewellyn was dangerous, and Kai was sleeping alone in the same room with that psycho. It was clear from the tears Kai was barely holding back that he wasn't a fighter, and everything inside of Tobias was ordering him protect his boyfriend.

"Maybe you should start sleeping in Gryffindor tower with me?" He started, "I mean, I wouldn't be able to stand it if something happened to you. I know you don't think he's dangerous but he seems unstable, especially around you. It might might your family worry less if you are able to get away from him for a while."

Tobias didn't want someone around who knew Kai better than he did. Whom Kai said he loved. Kai said he loved that asshole! Moving his hands to Kai's cheeks, he kissed his boyfriend gently.

"I love you, okay," he said, "and I worry. So please?"

He hadn't said those three words before now. He'd been waiting for the right time. And if Kai was going to say he loved someone else when he was rambling, than he was sure as hell going to say it in regards to worrying about him.

There was a very large part of Kai that wanted to fight with Tobias for saying Daniyah was right. She wasn't. She couldn't be. He knew Llewellyn better than anyone else, didn't he? He lied often, apparently, but Kai forgave him. He'd continue to forgive him until Llewellyn understood he wasn't out to hurt him. There was a lot of love in Kai's heart, enough to the point where he felt like it would burst at any moment. At any moment. At absolutely any moment. And when Tobias told him that Llewellyn was happy to have broken him, his thoughts tracing back to how he literally grovelled at the guy's feet for forgiveness... He shuddered and shove his face into Tobias' shoulder.

He wasn't broken. There were no pieces. He was whole, and Llewellyn wouldn't ruin him just like that. There was a horrendous ripping in his chest, like he was being gutted out and strung around for everyone to see. His dirty laundry was his own fragile feelings, and Llewellyn was telling everyone all about it.

Despite how he wanted to be that person with Tobias, the type that aired his feelings out as he always did, he couldn't find the words. He didn't want to tell him. His boyfriend was sacred, and Kai needed him. If that meant holding back, he would. Kai was never secretive. He held his heart on his sleeve. But the thought of him thinking that Kai was broken... That he was a fuck up...

Never. Never, never, never, never. Kai was good. He was a good kid. He was disappointing his parents, but he would make it up to them. And he'd be the proper boyfriend, even if he... Kind of forgot what Tobias' last name even was.

"It's not a big deal, he's not gonna, like, beat me up or... whatever..." Kai murmured. He realized he didn't really know anymore. Llewellyn was never a violent person before, but now Kai was doubting it. Would he confront Kai about this? Would he blame Kai for this? He felt like he was knowing his best friend less and less as the days went on. He was finding out so many different shades of him that he never saw, and it only made him want to approach the guy even more. He needed an explanation. He needed to know why. But... a part of him knew this need only existed because he was pining for his friend back.

There was a pause when Tobias said those three words. "Mmm," Kai's fingers traced the hem of his shirt, "I guess I can't trust my own judgment anymore... I think y'might be right..." It was painful for him to say it, and his throat constricted within seconds. But still, he refused to let this bother him much longer. He couldn't. He didn't have the heart. Maybe Tobias was right, he was right about a lot of things. He treated Kai well. He buried him in love, and Kai knew he could trust him. And maybe, if he followed this logic, his mothers wouldn't be so hard on him as he admitted he was wrong.

Clean and good, just like he used to be.

"I'm glad y'didn't fight him," Kai rested his forehead against his boyfriend's, eyes closed, "I'd rather lose him in spirit than, like, have to go to his funeral, y'know?"

Tobias’s heart soared when Kai finally agreed with him about Llewellyn. Though he felt guilty for his happiness as it was obvious that admitting this caused Kai pain. At seeing how hurt Kai was, Tobias's hatred for Llewellyn was rising fast. He had half a mind to go back to that pitch and curse the kid till he was as torn up as Kai was obviously feeling.

“I wouldn’t kill him,” Tobias said, partly reassuringly but mostly defensively, “I’d just make him a permeant member of St. Mungos.”

Realizing that Kai might think he was serious about that, especially considering how much he wanted to do it, he quickly added, “That was a joke, and a bad one and that. He’d only be in St. Mungos temporarily.”

A year or so was temporary right? He wasn’t sure just how long the cuts of that spell went without healing for. It really was a nasty curse he’d created; slashing wounds that can’t be healed with magical means wasn't exactly a nice spell. But to be fair, he’d only ever used it on people who deserved it. Returning to the present moment however he took note of how antsy Kai seemed, or at least, on edge. He hadn’t been like this around Tobias before, so he didn’t think it was anything he done. Probably Llewellyn then? It seemed like the two had history, and Tobias was quickly getting more and more jealous of that.

"You seem like you have a lot of stuff unresolved with him. If you need to talk to him, I could accompany you out to the pitch as backup,” he started, "That’s only if you want ti talk to him however. Staying here and talking it out sounds much better to me. But you seem like you both have a lot of your mind and don’t want to talk to me about it, which I understand. But you shouldn’t have to keep all your problems to yourself, let me help.”

He took Kai’s hand gently, trying to get his boyfriend to look at him, to talk to him. He honestly wanted to help. Even if that meant going back to all those people he really didn’t want to be around, but even more so if it meant hexing the shit out of one of them. Llewellyn had it coming. But more important to him was Kai telling him what was going on, he wanted to know everything about him, good and bad. It was just more to love right. Nobody was perfect, though Kai came close.

The joke Tobias made wasn't well received, despite how Kai kinda started it. But he very much appreciated Tobias' attempts to make him feel better, and he did feel better that they could trivialize it a little bit. Instead of laughing, however, he buried his face in his boyfriend's neck, breath heavy and warm. The fingers that lingered along his collar chased under his arms, around his shoulders, and Kai hugged himself close. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much, but having someone else there made it a bit better. Just that much better. Sometimes loneliness wasn't what he needed, despite how much he tended to hide himself away.

"N- No," He shook his head and pulled away to look at Tobias; his bicolored eyes couldn't quite meet his boyfriend's, but found themselves tracing his assets. His lips and his chin, his neck and his collar bones that poked out from beneath his buttoned up shirt. "I really don't wanna talk to Llewellyn," He continued, his empty hand scratching the back of his neck nervously, "I- It wouldn't go that great. Even with you there. He just... Doesn't wanna be my friend. He doesn't want anythin' to do with me anymore, just, like... be weirdly mean and confusin' and stuff. And I gotta accept that." He wouldn't accept it, though. At least not any time soon. As of now, no matter what Llewellyn said about him, he wanted so desperately to have him back. They were best friends for so long. He was the only friend that ever came over during the summer.

The thought of home felt so empty. His dorm felt empty. The school felt empty.

But it wasn't so bad when Tobias was there.

One day he'd speak to Llewellyn again. But it definitely wasn't tonight. Especially since there were things that he didn't want anyone else seeing or hearing. Things that Daniyah told him. Things that he needed explanations about. Why was Llewellyn hurting other people now, too?

But Kai didn't want to talk about it. He was afraid to talk about it. "Um. Well. Maybe... Maybe I'm not that sore after all," He offered, picking his gaze up to look Tobias in the eye. This was what he wanted instead, a definite want past the shitty talk and the fear that Tobias would realize what a mistake he was. But he draped his arms over his boyfriend's shoulders, attempting to coax him closer. Kai was never the type to initiate things like this, but it felt easier. And Tobias actually caring for him, showing affection that he had never experienced before.... Those walls couldn't have been lowered any easier.